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Saturday, September 28, 2019

Life After Kids

Many around me asked, "how do you cope handling four kids and yet you still seem to have time for yourself?" My answer was simple, "one day at a time, tomorrow is a brand new day."

Yes, our kids are our everything. But, our world doesn't only revolve around them. Don't forget, even though we are their parents, we still have our own parents, friends, colleagues, spouse and even the society that revolve around us.

Time management is all about choices. You echoose to make your own daily schedule either a jam-packed one or a fruitful and rewarding one.

To Friends/colleagues:

I am an old school, I love to meet up with my friends! To me, chatting through the very much readily available texting services has no human touch. You can't really feel the emotion that the other party is currently having.

I love a good catch-up where we sit through a sumptuous dinner, just sipping through cocktails, beer or wine while chattering through the night. This does not need to be often, a monthly meet up is good enough for me.

Family / Spouse:

My husband, fortunately, is a hands-on husband. We're kind of able to divide the tasks proportionally when it comes to the matter of our kids.

Well, luckily for us too, we are able to at least have once a year "just the two of us" holiday. Being away from the kids for just a few days doesn't make us a bad parents peep. With all the advanced technology available, you can video-call your kids with just a touch of your finger away.

To me, a break from the kids equals to a couple-bonding time. Try to ask this: when was the last time you had a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse? I can bet 95% of the conversation at home revolves around kids. So, yes, pack your bag and have a great getaway with your spouse. The so called "just th two of us" kind of holiday doesn't have to be an expensive or long days. Take chances of our neighbouring countries such as Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam or even just a staycation in Sentosa.

Or may be, just do a date night. That is something I did quite often with my other half, too.

Family is equally important, especially as you grow older, you will realized that your parents are, too, growing old and you will understand them better and value them even more. My parents made it a point to go on yearly  holidays with us, three sisters, since we were young. I loves remembering the good times with them.

So now, I also try to do the same as what my parents had done for us. We have a yearly family holiday that includes my parents, my sisters and the kiddos, too. This is also usually the only time where us sisters meet as well (we lived in 3 different countries) to catch up and to bond.


Wellbeing and health:

Many of us parents had this tendency to use our kids as  excuses for many things. This included taking care of our own wellbeing and health.

We wpuld chide excuses such as, "my kid has projects that require me to help him/her with," or, "I need to revise with my kid as he/she has a spelling test tomorrow." Sounds familiar? That's me, too, sometimes. Should we think further, isn't taking care of our own wellbeing and health means that we love our kids, too?

Being a parent already is a hard work, both mentally and physically. It is so easy to stop caring for yourself and get overwhelmed. But when you stop caring for yourself, your ability to care for your child is impacted. Same goes for your ability to enjoy parenthood. You get mood swings easily or you're prone to illness, too.

By the way, it isn't selfish to take time to exercise. Besides, your kids are watching you and wants to be like you! Remember this phrase: "monkey see, monkey do."

A parent who is well-rested, eats a healthy diet, gets plenty of exercise, maintains close relationships with friends and gets help when he/she realizes that they are not coping well, is far more equipped to be the best parent he/she can be than those who don't do those things.

Getting the kids involved in exercising such as jogging, cycling or roller blading, also means more bonding time. Exercising also helps to stimulate their brains, therefore they can perform better. So why not?!

Another thing to remember, go for yearly health check up. No amount of money can buy back your health. Having a healthy body also means you get to spend more time with your loved ones. It also means you treasure your own wellbeing for the good of yourself, your kids, your family and friends.

Towards the Society:

We live in a world where something goes around, comes around. So why not do something good and give a little something back to the society that we live in? Many who know me, know that I like to get involved in giving back to society. The question is, why did I do it when so much time and effort were being spent? 

To me, most importantly, I want the kids to know how fortunate they are. They have a roof over their head, meals on the table and nice clothes to wear. To me, getting them involved in social works means more bonding time. Not all things are being taught within the four walls of the classroom and this is one of them. I want them to embrace empathy. 

I remember when I first started the fund raising at our church. My husband asked me why I troubled myself, waking up early to prepare the food, carry it to church, etc. His was basically saying,"you're troubling yourself unnecessarily when you can actually rest on weekend." My answer was simple. I want the kids to see that whatever we have, it's all because of God's gracious and kindness. The fund raising was like giving thanks for all His goodness towards my family and I.

So with all being said and done, having four kids is not really a big feat after all. Take it slow and avoid unnecessary stress. If things get too much on the plate, take a deep breath and take a break.

Written by: DeViLsHGaL

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