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Friday, March 6, 2020

Midlife Crisis

This is year 2020 and this is my first blog in 2020. My life is half f*cked, man. Why did I say that? well, I already turned 41 years old, but I'm still like the old me, so what have I accomplished? I have a familly for sure. I become a father of a two daughters for sure. My mother and father are still healty and alive, thank God. But for me as their son, I'm still helping my Mum at her shop. I still cannot make them proud by becoming a successful son. To think that all this while they always said good stuff about other kids that are successful and how they make their parents proud.

Despite my unsuccessful life, I continuously made it enjoyable. I'd lived a life with no worries. It was all started during school days. I stayed at home playing games, reading comics and watching movies. Those activities were repeated on and on from high school till college. That was crazy. While others already thought of having a decent job, good sallary and what they were going to do when they graduated, I was still finding my true identity. I always liked to think that it was time for me to find a job so I wouldn't be a burden for my family. I barely thought that my parents would be proud of me earning money and having decent job, haha. That was beyond my abilities. 

After high school, I just went with the flow. I went to college and spent three years there, studied nothing before I earned the diploma. My passion of getting a decent job was burning bright then, so I looked for jobs, from Jakarta to Brunei. But the effort didn't last. I thought of my parents. I also missed reading comics and those old habits in my hometown. After two years, I decided to go home and this time was for good. 

I tried applying for jobs again, but nobody wanted to accept me. In the meantime, I couldn't resist my responsibility in helping my parents in the market place. As the daily work continued, my passion faded, especially after I started receiving weekly salary from my Mum. 

As time went by, I got married, too. That was one amazing story because people told me that I must have a house and a large sum of money first. I should have at least IDR 30 millions for the wedding party, haha. I had no idea how I could do that, but I eventually did it with my parent's money. Frankly speaking, I was embarrassed, but it happened and it turned that the hongbao was enough to pay for the banquet. Amazing! 

Last thing in my new life with my wife, we were blessed with a decent family life. Instead of finding a decent job and big salary that I'd been longing to, I got my own shop. But sadly, after 4 years, it was mismanaged and closed down, another proof that I was incapable of doing business. That's why I said life is half f*cked, Man. Now I'm still helping my mom at the other shop. To think that I'm still like this, not much I can do in my life while I'm getting older. Sometimes I wonder what I am going to do when my parents die. Can I handle the real world myself? Only God can answer my prayers. 

Thank you for reading, Guys!

After Grab, with Maxim!

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