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Sunday, January 15, 2017

Pheng iu... Where Are They Now? (Part II)

Hello, again. We placed a bookmark right after Porcupine Djung's story previously, so let's pick it up where we left off. For the newcomers, here's the link to the first part of the series so that you won't feel lost.

For a start, we have Robin son of Robinson. He may be a failed wordsmith after 10 years of trying without any sign of success (hell, he didn't even get the smell of it!), but the man never stops dreaming. He's still passionate about saving Sumatran rhino, but as of now, he'd rather save himself. Always the one with concerns of being unemployed when he reaches certain age, he plans his grand retirement plan that involves a life-changing contribution to humanity and a record breaking purchase of an undisclosed sum, hence the app called SpeakApp. Only time will tell if he'll make it, but he makes sure he's not going down alone. At least two of his friends, Enrico and Porcupine Djung will go down with him, either going downhill or going down to history for a good reason.

Due his habit of minimizing any physical movements in order to stay still and breathe slowly while watching the world goes by, Sartado has gained more weight than he's supposed to be. As exercise is against his life principle and therefore not an option to slim down, he spends most of his time digesting oatmeal these days. To make a living, he opens a coffee shop called Bro Cafe and installs CCTV on every blind spot so that he can watch his investment making more money for him. When his old friend Wah Wah questioned him why she didn't see him when she had a coffee there, he replied, much to her chagrin, that a boss doesn't have to be around all the time and she should have made an appointment one month in advance. Nobody sees much of him since then.

Shit Da Bao had resigned from Wong Flirts Congratulations Pte. Ltd. for quite some time, but he loves his job so much that he still carries on as a trader under the payroll of a Burmese tycoon. His strong belief in the Easy Theory (easy to get a girlfriend, easy to get a job and easy to earn money) is finally paid off. He has a wife with a strange surname (Angel A. Crispy) and a good job with flexible working hours that pays handsomely. The only regret he has in life is, he should have left the previous company sooner. Listening to the old stingy chairman's son who always threatened the staff by ranting, "my father pays your salary," was too much to bear that it gave him a head full of white hair before time.

Suleiman Usman Kurdi has gone without a trace since they parted ways. Given that he was always the odd one out, this shouldn't come as a surprise, but to be expected instead. Even back then, there was an occasion where Pheng iu, Sartado in particular, was accused by S.U. Kurdi's friend of didn't care enough about his housemate's whereabouts when the man was MIA and uncontactable. The accusation hurt, but couldn't be denied because truth to be told, they only cared about his punctual payment of house rent. Now that they are no longer together, there's simply no reason for them to care about the Kurdish man who looks like Chinese and speaks German anymore.

The exact opposite of his brother, Tom Lee Jones surely doesn't need any government fund to build a family. He literally imagined and built it all. After baby-sitting his younger brother for years, he realized that being his brother's keeper was a thankless job because when he fainted on the train, his brother laughed at him instead of helping. Woke up to a harsh reality that the whole city now knew that he could faint easily, he retreated to suburban area and started anew. He got a new job, built an empty house, filled it up with furnitures and finally got himself a wife. Now a happy family man, he looked great when Enrico and Robin went to visit him. Good for Tom, as he really deserves it.

Tze Tze Gabor, the youngest Pheng iu, is not so young anymore although her age gap with the rest remains the same. She has a successful career and successfully ended her bachelorette life by marrying somebody with a mole on the face. Mole aside, the guy called Hank is definitely a good catch, for only him could go the extra miles, literally, to do a Hollywood grade proposal. Let's wish them a wonderful journey ahead!

Vendy Fendi Lee had gone through a nomadic lifestyle before ended up having a house of his own. He stayed few month's with Robin, then carried a red pail at night, his only belonging, to Pesugihan's and eventually moved to Bodhi's house, all with one condition: he had to sleep on the floor. He reasoned that he liked to sleep near to the ground, but Sartado, his ex-roommate, once had this theory that it was almost certain he was preparing himself for the day he sleeps six feet under the ground. Vendy Fendi Lee was last seen traveling from Malaysia to Thailand, taking dodgy selfies where the focus was actually at the girls behind him.

Wah Wah's days of working inside a shipping container (yes, her office was made of that giant metal box parked on the lawn of the boss' house!) are over. She's now a seasoned currencies exchange player. Started with small amount deals by helping the maids from her neighbourhood, she soon discovered that it was too much work with too little profits. While rethinking her strategy, she embraced slogans such as no guts, no glory, therefore she did big amount transactions that were close to the borderline of money laundry instead. She made it and is now a rich woman, albeit skinnier than before due to a cause that is yet to be revealed. Not one who forgets her humble beginning, she often generously buys kampong fried rice with ikan bilis for those friends who visit her during lunch time. Now with steady income, Wah Wah also ventures into electricity voucher business and is busy coercing her ex-housemates to be her underlings by shoving right on their face the poster of her receiving cheques with lots of zeroes behind. Talk about how intimidating a success story can be!

The last Pheng iu, Willem, is nowhere to be found. The last fond memory about him was the Bangkok trip he took with Enrico, Mark and Robin. He was so drunk that he said he wasn't drunk at all. Only when they left the club at wee hours that they figured out he was unable to stand even though he was capable of dancing prior to this. He gave up his job afterwards and left the gang to take a break that he never returns from. A good and talented man that unfortunately lacks of good fortune, God bless the man wherever he is nowadays.

With that, we'll close the chapter for good. As I told you earlier, they were funnier in their younger days. If this story, in any way, makes you curious about them, you can get the book from Here's the link: 

And, oh, here's the book trailer, too, with a song written and performed by yours truly and his friend, Ardian Tan. 

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