The Visitors (Part I)

Pontianak, my hometown, is not known as a tourist destination, hence it's actually interesting to see what tourists, especially those from foreign countries, think about it. I once joked that if they ever visited Pontianak during Chinese New Year, for sure they'd be served with soft drinks whereas us locals had to make do with some hot tea. That is to illustrate how friendly we are (at the expense of the locals, haha), and curious at the same time, for we seldom see tourists, especially the foreign language speaking ones. Recently I had a chance to bring Singaporean friends for a visit, so here's the story of the first world visitors going through the road less traveled to visit a backwater place called Pontianak.

At the Batam airport runway.

Even by today's standard, it's still not easy to go to Pontianak. From Singapore, one will have to come in from either Jakarta, Kuching, Batam or Kuala Lumpur. For us, we traveled via Batam. That alone was an experience by itself, because walking on a runway to get into our aeroplane was definitely uncommon in Changi. It was totally unthinkable that one could stop to pose and take picture on a runway in front of a propeller aircraft but, hey, welcome to Indonesia. Once we reached the new Supadio airport, we went through what seemed to be a normal walkway to me, only to be pointed out by Lawrence that we actually entered from a loading bay! A culture shock to him and a funny one at that.

Oh yeah, by the way, our guests here go by the names of Lawrence and James. We were at the airport, collecting our baggage from the belt and already it was hilarious. The electricity was cut off twice, causing the belt to stop and there was always a sound of siren right after that, prompting Lawrence to ask, "is it some sort of a sign so that the airport staff can get on the bike and start pedaling to generate the electricity again?"

My cousin picked us up at the airport. He is one of the few that speaks English down there, as the language is alien and not widely spoken in town, a common problem across Indonesia with the exception of Bali. On our way to city, we passed by a crowd of people dressed in white and headwear called the turban. The day we went there coincided with the 4/11 event in Jakarta where the hardcore muslims gathered at the roundabout, so there was a similar action, albeit in a smaller scale, in Pontianak. Coming from Singapore, a peaceful country that promotes racial harmony, I believe this was like sitting on front seats to watch a social unrest unraveled. A first hand experience, if you like.

Pontianak chicken rice, the messy and sticky affair.

Harris Hotel, the one where the guys were staying, was cheap and presentable. It was a walking distance from my home, therefore I chose it in the first place. After checking in, we had the chicken rice, a local cuisine that actually had more pork than chicken (a strange reality that I never questioned until, again, it was pointed out to me when I worked in Jakarta). A walk to my home could have been an adventure by itself: Singapore is so clean and pedestrian-friendly whereas Pontianak is dusty with non-existent pavement and the path for walking could be covered by pools of water after the rain. As my home is located in a small alley, we passed by a stuck drainage with still, black and smelly water, a total nightmare and yet, for the lack of sceneries in Pontianak, I actually had to stop and explained that to our dear tourists.  

Nasi uduk Borobudur, the talk of town.

We took a break before we went out again at night by car for sightseeing. Had nasi uduk for dinner, a localised version of nasi lemak that was served together with fried chicken, tempe, tofu and crispy flour. I remember James was paying for the dinner as he guessed the price wrongly, haha. Pontianak is a small town (although this is arguable as we never crossed the Kapuas river) that we completed the city center in just a while. We ended up visiting the one and only decent shopping mall in town and then went back to the hotel. On a hindsight, it was a good thing that we ended early, because later on, the unforeseen riot took place that night and the rioters smashed a coffee shop nearby the hotel...

Top row, from the left: Lawrence and Anthony
Bottom row, from the left: Parno, Andrew and James

Para Wisatawan (Bagian Pertama)

Pontianak, kampung halaman saya, tidak dikenal sebagai tujuan wisata. Oleh karena itu, menarik untuk dicatat bagaimana sebenarnya reaksi dan kesan para turis, terutama yang berasal dari luar negeri, selama berada di sana. Saya pernah bercanda bahwa jikalau mereka berkunjung ke Pontianak pada saat Tahun Baru Cina, sudah pasti mereka akan disuguhi minuman soda sedangkan orang lokal seperti saya harus berpuas diri dengan teh hangat. Ilustrasi ini sengaja saya pakai untuk menunjukkan ramah-tamah orang Pontianak yang jarang dikunjungi turis, apalagi yang berbahasa asing. Nah, bicara tentang topik yang satu ini, berikut ini adalah kisah kunjungan teman-teman Singapura ke Pontianak.

Bahkan untuk standar hari ini pun tidak gampang sebenarnya untuk berkunjung ke Pontianak. Dari Singapura, pilihan yang tersedia adalah transit di Jakarta, Kuching, Batam atau Kuala Lumpur. Pada kesempatan ini, kita menaiki feri dari Singapura ke Batam, setelah itu baru terbang ke Pontianak. Pengalaman berjalan di landasan pacu bandara Batam pun menjadi daya tarik sendiri bagi turis-turis kita ini, sebab hal ini tidak lazim di bandara Changi. Bagi mereka, bisa berhenti sejenak untuk berpose di depan pesawat baling-baling sungguh merupakan sesuatu yang unik. Saat kita tiba di Supadio, mereka juga terperangah saat menyadari pintu masuk dari landasan pacu ke bandara bersebelahan dengan tempat bongkar-muat bagasi!

James dan Lawrence di bandara Supadio.

Oh ya, dua tamu kita ini bernama Lawrence dan James. Ketika kita sedang menunggu bagasi, untuk pertama kalinya mereka mengalami mati lampu di bandara. Tidak hanya sekali, melainkan dua kali, dan selalu ada bunyi sirene setelahnya, sehingga Lawrence bertanya dengan polosnya, apakah itu tanda bagi petugas bandara untuk membangkitkan listrik lagi.

Sepupu saya Andrew menjemput kita di bandara. Dia adalah satu dari segelintir orang yang bisa bercakap-cakap dalam Bahasa Inggris, bahasa yang jarang dipergunakan di Pontianak. Dalam perjalanan ke kota, kita melewati sekelompok orang berpakaian putih dan mengenakan surban. Hari itu bertepatan dengan aksi demonstrasi 411 dimana para pelaku unjuk rasa radikal berkumpul di bundaran Thamrin. Di Pontianak, semacam aksi solidaritas skala kecil pun digelar. Datang dari Singapore, negara damai yang selalu mengutamakan prinsip ras yang harmonis, pengalaman ini tak ubahnya seperti duduk di bangku terdepan sambil menyaksikan kericuhan yang tidak pernah mereka lihat sebelumnya.

Di Hotel Harris. Dari kiri: Anthony, James, Andrew dan Lawrence.

Dari Supadio, kita menuju ke Hotel Harris, tempat dimana mereka tinggal. Hotelnya murah, bagus dan tidak jauh dari rumah saya. Setelah registrasi kamar, kita menikmati nasi ayam khas Pontianak, kemudian kita berjalan ke rumah saya. Datang dari Singapura, perjalanan ke rumah pun menjadi petualangan tersendiri bagi mereka. Singapura adalah kota yang ramah pejalan kaki, sedangkan Pontianak hampir tidak memiliki trotoar dan kubangan air setelah hujan juga ditemukan di sana-sini. Karena rumah saya berada di dalam gang, kita juga berjalan melewati got yang hitam dan bau airnya. Turis-turis kita ini benar-benar tidak habis pikir, bagaimana orang bisa tinggal di lingkungan seperti ini.

Setelah berkunjung ke rumah, mereka beristirahat sejenak di hotel sebelum kita keluar lagi untuk makan malam dan berkeliling kota dengan mobil. Kita menyantap nasi uduk di malam itu, makanan yang terlihat seperti nasi lemak lengkap dengan ayam, tahu dan tempe goreng bagi mereka. Saya ingat James yang membayar makan malam tersebut karena ia salah menebak harga, haha.

Acara keliling kota pun berlangsung tidak lama, mengingat pusat kota Pontianak tidaklah besar. Kita berkunjung sejenak ke A. Yani Mega Mall dan kembali ke hotel tidak lama kemudian. Kalau dilihat kembali, syukurlah kita tidak mengitari kota hingga larut malam, sebab kerusuhan terjadi tidak lama sesudah kita pulang dan sebuah warung kopi di Jalan Ketapang, tidak jauh dari Hotel Harris, dihancurkan oleh para perusuh...

Parno dan Lawrence di Pontianak Mall.

Pheng iu... Where Are They Now? (Part II)

Hello, again. We placed a bookmark right after Porcupine Djung's story previously, so let's pick it up where we left off. For the newcomers, here's the link to the first part of the series so that you won't feel lost.

For a start, we have Robin son of Robinson. He may be a failed wordsmith after 10 years of trying without any sign of success (hell, he didn't even get the smell of it!), but the man never stops dreaming. He's still passionate about saving Sumatran rhino, but as of now, he'd rather save himself. Always the one with concerns of being unemployed when he reaches certain age, he plans his grand retirement plan that involves a life-changing contribution to humanity and a record breaking purchase of an undisclosed sum, hence the app called SpeakApp. Only time will tell if he'll make it, but he makes sure he's not going down alone. At least two of his friends, Enrico and Porcupine Djung will go down with him, either going downhill or going down to history for a good reason.

Due his habit of minimizing any physical movements in order to stay still and breathe slowly while watching the world goes by, Sartado has gained more weight than he's supposed to be. As exercise is against his life principle and therefore not an option to slim down, he spends most of his time digesting oatmeal these days. To make a living, he opens a coffee shop called Bro Cafe and installs CCTV on every blind spot so that he can watch his investment making more money for him. When his old friend Wah Wah questioned him why she didn't see him when she had a coffee there, he replied, much to her chagrin, that a boss doesn't have to be around all the time and she should have made an appointment one month in advance. Nobody sees much of him since then.

Shit Da Bao had resigned from Wong Flirts Congratulations Pte. Ltd. for quite some time, but he loves his job so much that he still carries on as a trader under the payroll of a Burmese tycoon. His strong belief in the Easy Theory (easy to get a girlfriend, easy to get a job and easy to earn money) is finally paid off. He has a wife with a strange surname (Angel A. Crispy) and a good job with flexible working hours that pays handsomely. The only regret he has in life is, he should have left the previous company sooner. Listening to the old stingy chairman's son who always threatened the staff by ranting, "my father pays your salary," was too much to bear that it gave him a head full of white hair before time.

Suleiman Usman Kurdi has gone without a trace since they parted ways. Given that he was always the odd one out, this shouldn't come as a surprise, but to be expected instead. Even back then, there was an occasion where Pheng iu, Sartado in particular, was accused by S.U. Kurdi's friend of didn't care enough about his housemate's whereabouts when the man was MIA and uncontactable. The accusation hurt, but couldn't be denied because truth to be told, they only cared about his punctual payment of house rent. Now that they are no longer together, there's simply no reason for them to care about the Kurdish man who looks like Chinese and speaks German anymore.

The exact opposite of his brother, Tom Lee Jones surely doesn't need any government fund to build a family. He literally imagined and built it all. After baby-sitting his younger brother for years, he realized that being his brother's keeper was a thankless job because when he fainted on the train, his brother laughed at him instead of helping. Woke up to a harsh reality that the whole city now knew that he could faint easily, he retreated to suburban area and started anew. He got a new job, built an empty house, filled it up with furnitures and finally got himself a wife. Now a happy family man, he looked great when Enrico and Robin went to visit him. Good for Tom, as he really deserves it.

Tze Tze Gabor, the youngest Pheng iu, is not so young anymore although her age gap with the rest remains the same. She has a successful career and successfully ended her bachelorette life by marrying somebody with a mole on the face. Mole aside, the guy called Hank is definitely a good catch, for only him could go the extra miles, literally, to do a Hollywood grade proposal. Let's wish them a wonderful journey ahead!

Vendy Fendi Lee had gone through a nomadic lifestyle before ended up having a house of his own. He stayed few month's with Robin, then carried a red pail at night, his only belonging, to Pesugihan's and eventually moved to Bodhi's house, all with one condition: he had to sleep on the floor. He reasoned that he liked to sleep near to the ground, but Sartado, his ex-roommate, once had this theory that it was almost certain he was preparing himself for the day he sleeps six feet under the ground. Vendy Fendi Lee was last seen traveling from Malaysia to Thailand, taking dodgy selfies where the focus was actually at the girls behind him.

Wah Wah's days of working inside a shipping container (yes, her office was made of that giant metal box parked on the lawn of the boss' house!) are over. She's now a seasoned currencies exchange player. Started with small amount deals by helping the maids from her neighbourhood, she soon discovered that it was too much work with too little profits. While rethinking her strategy, she embraced slogans such as no guts, no glory, therefore she did big amount transactions that were close to the borderline of money laundry instead. She made it and is now a rich woman, albeit skinnier than before due to a cause that is yet to be revealed. Not one who forgets her humble beginning, she often generously buys kampong fried rice with ikan bilis for those friends who visit her during lunch time. Now with steady income, Wah Wah also ventures into electricity voucher business and is busy coercing her ex-housemates to be her underlings by shoving right on their face the poster of her receiving cheques with lots of zeroes behind. Talk about how intimidating a success story can be!

The last Pheng iu, Willem, is nowhere to be found. The last fond memory about him was the Bangkok trip he took with Enrico, Mark and Robin. He was so drunk that he said he wasn't drunk at all. Only when they left the club at wee hours that they figured out he was unable to stand even though he was capable of dancing prior to this. He gave up his job afterwards and left the gang to take a break that he never returns from. A good and talented man that unfortunately lacks of good fortune, God bless the man wherever he is nowadays.

With that, we'll close the chapter for good. As I told you earlier, they were funnier in their younger days. If this story, in any way, makes you curious about them, you can get the book from amazon.com. Here's the link: https://goo.gl/LTphuf 

And, oh, here's the book trailer, too, with a song written and performed by yours truly and his friend, Ardian Tan. 

Pheng iu... Where Are They Now? (Part I)

It's been years since we last heard about Pheng iu, so long that it feels like a life time ago. Having said that, if the name somehow sounds familiar, if they ever made you laugh before, you may wonder where they are now.

They are still around, actually. Ten years older than before, with some totally lose touch with another. The gang, or what's left of them, is now known as -in Princely fashion- TGFKAPi, The Group Formerly Known As Pheng iu. More boring and less funny than they used to be, here is the story of aging people.

Alphabetically speaking, we'll have to start with Al Pone. Always smartest of the bunch, the man is now somebody important in the fastest rising online travel agency: travelokay.com. He wears suits these days, doesn't speak much, but is surprisingly responsive whenever there's any feedback from his old buddies about the business he's managing. Oh, he still comes to town from time to time, but for rather odd reasons such as wanting to try Portuguese egg tarts. 

Next, while not much can be said about him, Bodhi is definitely a happier man, especially when he doesn't have to share his internet bandwidth with 18 other difficult users who said okay but did otherwise when they were forbidden to download. He had given up chasing Lü Hua since they all went separate ways, is happily married and lives a blissfully domesticated life. 

Only God knows where Dragon Djung is. Even his brother, Porcupine Djung, is busy convincing himself that Big Bro is residing somewhere that hasn't been mapped, therefore he simply can't be found until the day he chooses to reveal himself again to public. Until then, he's just as far as a phone call away. Whether his phone number remains the same or is saved by others, that's a separate story altogether.

Unlike the first few mysterious characters above, Enrico Pilchard still interacts quite often with many of his ex-housemates. He is now the husband of Luna Tic. A hardworking family man, he singlehandedly redefines the society's paradigm of long distance relationship and brings it to another level by becoming a weekend husband. Such a well-thought concept comes with a formula, too: one year consists of 52 weekends, which means a man can only be qualified as weekend husband if he spends only 104 days or less per year with his family. It's not bad, considering that it has benefits such as less meeting, less quarreling or; the lonelier tonight is, the more intimate tomorrow night will be; and so on.

The ever charming Jim Lee Jones is as enigmatic as ever. Regardless where he is, even when pictures of him in some other places appear on social media, he always says that he's in town. According to word of mouth, he's on a secret mission funded by government. The mission has got to be so discreet that a wide range of random gossips with questionable degrees of truth are circulating: some said he's building a web portal for garment business in a third world country while others said he's building roads into the remote areas. The more skeptical ones, however, said he's simply building a family.

Back to the Pilchards, Luna Tic is now a dedicated wife. However, since her husband is absent most of the time throughout the year, she's pretty much dedicated to Korean drama instead. It is as the modern saying goes: oppa is the wife's best friend, followed by Samsung Galaxy phone and kimchi. She must be so into the K culture that she'll even type "aigoo" in the chat group when she's pissed, confusing the ex-housemates that are rather outdated and conservative.

Talk about conservative, Lü Hua remains the same, just like how she was when they stayed together. She travels a lot for the past decade, but still dresses as polite as ever. In her holiday photos, the only thing she wears that comes close to something provocative is sunglasses, so don't bother going through her Facebook and look for bikinis with high expectation. 

Mark Punk, the hot-headed one, is a bad boy no more. He had a dodgy stint as an insurance agent where he said convincingly without blinking eyes that he'd be agent forever and remain contactable until the day the customers die, alright, but he is now a very decent man earning an honest living. He retreated to a secluded area where he builds up his business empire bit by bit. After establishing smelly business (durian farm) and saliva business (bird nest farm) and he tries his luck in a new field by opening a construction materials shop recently. A seasoned man with so much experiences in life, he understands that everything has its price, therefore every product in his shop has a price tag. Impressed? When experience meets action, such thing does happen! It can't get any better than this!

Pesugihan is one of the few that either stays the same or has a stable career, depends on which point of views one is adopting. To be fair, sometimes it's a matter of the right priority. Instead plunging himself into endless hours of work, the friendly Chinese with no Chinese name spends his energy expanding his family instead. A happy father and husband, he's now having three kids and yet  remains faithful to one wife. How's that for work-life balance?

On the other extreme end of work-life imbalance, we have Porcupine Djung. His life is a perfect study case of how living in a city looks like. Feeling stressed at work and feeling bored at home, he had been living in such vicious cycle that forms the routine of his life, 24 hours and seven days a week. It looks bleak, but his luck is about to change. Together with Enrico and Robin, he's working on SpeakApp, a mobile application where a person lacking in courage can chat anonymously to express long pending crush to somebody, scold other people or stir shit. With his brain filled up by Robin with larger-than-life promises such as having their product bought over by Facebook, he looks forward for a better tomorrow.

So there you go, the latest story about 10 out of 19 Pheng iu that once brightened up your day. I'll tell you about the other nine on the next episode. Just in case you wonder why I suddenly brought up those retired characters, that's because we're celebrating 10 years anniversary of Pheng iu on 27/01/2017! For those who were to young to remember and those who are feeling nostalgic, here's the glimpse of them during their heyday:

 

PS: you can still search them all on YouTube by using the following keyword: pheng iu
PPS: Watch out for imitation and watch only the real deal!

Friendship In Our Thirties: Chapter 5 - Family

I've spent four chapters talking about friendship in our thirties. I do realize, however, that most of us are pretty much family men or women these days. If it feels like something is missing thus far, then this must be the missing link you are looking for. Save the best for last, as the saying goes.

I once gave a thought about striking a balance between family and friendship, only to eventually realize that it's never meant to be balanced, anyway. I mean, you don't go marrying somebody and having kids without being responsible, right? Priority-wise, family always comes first.

When it comes to family, we give our best and sacrifices are often made without asking anything in return (ah, that power of love. Exquisite!), but not to the extent that you lose freedom and become unhappy about it, I believe. What good is having a family if one finds it hard to cherish it? Imagine a family life where one gives in too much he or she is simply enslaved by it. What's the fun in it? It'll be difficult to subscribe to such an idea, then. Something must have gone wrong along the way. There's not much equation left between family and friends, alright, but it sounds horrid, not to mention irrational, if one is demanded to entirely sever the friendship ties or whatever connection that you have before marriage. I'd say one gets to be a spouse and parent and still can be who they are: a son or daughter and, of course, a friend to others.

As part of social relationships, friendship is what keeps us sane between our roles and responsibilities. In a way, it also offers some perspectives. This is important, at least to me (because I can be a selfish bastard sometimes) and perhaps to you, too, if you are wired in a similar way as me. The thing is, being a family man myself, as I go through the motion of daily activities, there'll be times when I slip unconsciously into the mindset of taking wife and and kids for granted, that they'll always understand, no matter what. While it's easy to say such perception is incorrect, unfortunately it is also very much our human nature and it tends to happen if one is very much engrossed in his or her own family circle. Only when you step out of that circle then you'll look at it from another point of view.

The interaction with friends enables us to do so, ie. it  takes you out from the daily routines as well as mundane tasks and it gets you thinking. During the last trip to Karawang, for example, as happy as I was when I hit the road together with my friends, I was also glad that I have a place I call home (note: house is a building where you stay, home is where family is). I remember again how beautiful my wife and kids are, how I'm blessed to have them around. When my wife sent me the pictures of my daughters, how I wish I was there to hug and kiss them goodnight like I always do. The last night at the cafe, together with the long conversation that I had with my friends, it got me thinking if I had provided enough for my family (I asked this to my wife eventually and much to my relief, she said yes).

The thing is, sometimes we don't know what we got until we lose it. How scary is that? There are things that you don't want to lose, those that'll cost you dearly, therefore a correct perspective comes handy. We just need to stop and see where we stand sometimes. That's where friendship helps. You give and it gives back, so much more that the result may surprise you sometimes. While there may be no proper proportions for both family and friends in life, they can be lined up side by side. The joy and the effort of working on our family and friendship are what make us as a whole. Remember when I said it's the journey that counts, not the destination? That's what makes life beautiful. I mean, who wants to live a monotonous life? Certainly not me! I love growing old with my family and, at the same time, knowing I'm not alone out there!

So with that, I'm closing this last chapter and I'll sign off here. If these five chapters, in any way, provoke you to think and look at your relationships again, then it's already an achievement by itself. If I'm still around in our mid forties, I'll write some stuff again to shake the status quo, haha. Love you all. See you again ten years later!

I have three girls in my family. 
One is old enough to be my wife, two are young enough to be my daughters. 
They are all lovely...

Persahabatan Di Usia 30an: Keluarga

Saya sudah menyelesaikan empat bagian untuk berbicara panjang-lebar tentang persahabatan di usia 30an. Kendati begitu, saya juga menyadari bahwa banyak di antara kita yang sudah berumah tangga. Jika anda merasa ada yang hilang dalam pembahasan sebelumnya, mungkin inilah bagian yang anda cari-cari. Seperti kata pepatah, simpan yang terbaik untuk bagian terakhir! 

Saya dulu pernah berpikir untuk menyeimbangkan hubungan keluarga dan persahabatan, namun saya lantas menyadari bahwa tidak ada yang perlu diseimbangkan di sini. Anda tentunya tidak menikah dan memiliki anak dan lari dari tanggung jawab, bukan? Oleh karena itu sudah jelas bahwa secara prioritas, keluarga harus didahulukan. 

Demi keluarga, kita memberikan yang terbaik dan banyak pengorbanan yang kita lakukan tanpa meminta pamrih apa pun. Ini yang namanya cinta tanpa syarat. Akan tetapi saya juga merasa bahwa ini tidak berarti kita kehilangan kebebasan dan menjadi tidak gembira karenanya. Apa bagusnya keluarga kalau anda harus berusaha mencari alasan untuk mencintainya? Bayangkan bila seseorang mengorbankan hidupnya dan menjadi terbelenggu. Apa yang bisa dinikmati dari kehidupan berkeluarga? Kalau memang begitu, rasanya susah untuk percaya bahwa berkeluarga adalah pilihan hidup yang baik. Pasti ada sesuatu yang salah di sini. Ya, saya setuju bahwa keluarga dan persahabatan mungkin tidak berimbang prioritasnya, tapi irasional rasanya kalau misalnya seseorang harus memutuskan tali persahabatan atau hubungan apa pun yang terjalin sebelum pernikahan. Saya percaya bahwa kita bisa menjadi pasangan dan orang tua dalam keluarga kita serta teman bagi orang lain. 

Sebagai bagian dari hubungan sosial, persahabatan adalah hal yang membuat kita tetap waras dalam menjalankan peran dan tanggung jawab kita. Di satu sisi, persahabatan juga memberikan kita sebuah sudut pandang. Ini penting, setidaknya bagi saya (karena saya terkadang memang egois) dan mungkin juga bagi anda. Dalam menjalani rutinitas keluarga kecil, terkadang saya bisa tanpa sadar berpikir bahwa istri dan anak-anak akan selalu mengerti saya. Ya, mudah rasanya menghakimi bahwa persepsi tersebut salah, namun manusia bisa saja terlena dan ini terjadi pada kita yang terbawa oleh rutinitas berkeluarga. Hanya pada saat anda melangkah keluar itulah anda berkesempatan untuk melihat dari sudut pandang yang berbeda 

Interaksi bersama teman memberikan kita kesempatan tersebut dan kesempatan tersebut membuat kita berpikir. Dalam perjalanan ke Karawang, misalnya, walau saya gembira bisa bertualang bersama teman-teman, saya juga senang bahwa saya telah berumah tangga. Saya jadi ingat lagi, betapa saya telah diberkati dengan keberadaan istri dan anak-anak saya. Ketika istri saya mengirimkan foto dua putri saya, betapa saya ingin memeluk dan mengucapkan selamat malam pada mereka. Di malam hari saat kita berada di kafe dan berbincang bersama teman-teman, percakapan kita membuat saya berpikir apakah saya sudah berbuat cukup untuk keluarga saya (akhirnya saya tanyakan pada istri dan saya lega saat dia mengiyakan). 

Masalah dalam hidup ini adalah, terkadang kita tidak tahu apa yang kita miliki sampai saat kita kehilangan apa yang kita miliki. Betapa mengerikan. Kita tentunya tidak ingin kehilangan sesuatu yang begitu berharga, jadi sudut pandang yang benar tentu perlu dan sangat bermanfaat. Kita hanya perlu berhenti dan melihat kembali. Di sinilah letak kegunaan persahabatan setelah berkeluarga. Anda memberi dan persahabatan itu memberikan kembali, terkadang hasilnya bahkan melebihi harapan anda. Ya, telah kita sepakati di atas bahwa kedudukan keluarga dan persahabatan tidak akan proporsional, tapi dua hal ini bisa berdampingan. Upaya dan suka cita dalam berkeluarga dan bersahabat membuat kita menjadi pribadi yang utuh. Ingat ketika saya berkata bahwa terkadang perjalanan lebih penting daripada tempat yang dituju? Itu yang membuat hidup menjadi lebih indah. Maksud saya, siapa yang ingin hidup monoton? Saya jelas tidak mau. Saya memilih untuk menghabiskan sisa hidup saya bersama keluarga dan pada saat yang sama, saya senang bahwa saya tidak sendirian di luar sana. 

Dengan paragraf di atas, saya tutup bagian ini dan juga topik persahabatan di usia 30an. Jika lima bagian ini membuat anda berpikir dan meninjau kembali hubungan anda, itu sudah prestasi tersendiri bagi saya. Jika saya masih hidup saat kita menjelang usia 45an, saya akan coba tulis lagi dari sudut pandang usia tersebut, haha! 

Friendship In Our Thirties: Chapter 4 - The Relationship

You and I saw the blossoming relationships that happened to many of us during the school days. Little did we know that some were meant to last and some simply didn't, even though we thought they could stand the test of time. However things happen for good reasons, so if we didn't understand it then, perhaps we understand it now.

Fast forward to today, blessed are those who make it this far. It's almost been 20 years since we graduated from high school, so give a pat on your partner's shoulder and tell him or her, "you've done a good job."

I'm not going to talk about those who don't end up with their high school sweet heart because it's plain silly to do so. Instead, this chapter is dedicated to those who haven't gone thru the marriage life or are done with it. This is heavy, and I'm not exactly sure if I'm the correct person to bring this up because most of the time, I'm none the wiser, but sometimes we need a friend to tell us what's going on, right? Well, I've seen many relationships (or the lack of it) among our friends and given it a thought or two when I wrote this, so hopefully it'll help.

Back then, when we were younger, we might have naively thought that we were going to finish the school, get a good job, marry our love one and live happily ever after. Oh boy, if only life is ever that simple, because the fact is, marriage is something that you got to work on, not to be taken for granted. I mean, of course marriage life is great, ie. you got a friend to grow old with and bringing up kids is a very rewarding experience, but alas, every problem that comes with it, money included, is also as real as it gets.

One comment that came as a knock on the head was from my best man. He said, "just because our grandparents got married and our parents got married, does it mean we also have to?" What he meant is, there's no such law that you have to get married. You have a choice not to do so if you don't fancy the idea of attached to somebody else till death do you part. And, coming separately from a friend of us, I was told that a man needs only sex. The point of view, while rather extreme, is understandable given that he went through a hell of a marriage.

Having said that, for those who are still single, you need to understand what you really want. Many can paint you beautiful pictures of a marriage, but now that we're in our thirties where some did make mistakes in their lives, we may want to reflect by also having a look at the grim side of a marriage life gone awry to understand that marriage is not always a bed of roses. Don't ever give in to peer pressure or the ticking of biological clock by marrying somebody that you may end up regretting.

At the same time, you have to remember that a marriage life means sharing your life with somebody else. This somebody else, just like yourself, is also not perfect, hence adjustment must be made and certain level of tolerance must be in place. A realistic expectation must be set. The potential risks that come with it also has to be acknowledged so that one can make an informed decision.

Hence ask yourself again, is this what you want? If yes, go searching for it and don't give up trying. If no, you have a choice not to and you can live your lives as you wish. If there are people, including myself, telling you to lower your expectation in order to get married especially now that age is catching up, tell them to fuck off. It's your life and you get to decide.

Then there is another group of friends who had a marriage that didn't last. The situation can get more tricky when there are kids involved. Now, I'm not going to pretend that I know what they've gone through because the fact is I don't, but as a friend, I'll have to say that hope is always there. I mean, while it's true that one gets to decide that enough is enough, I tend to think that it may not always be right to harden your heart and mind by telling yourself then you don't need a partner in your life anymore. If you ever do that, especially by citing the reason that you'd like to focus on your children, I'm not sure if it sounds fair at all, especially to yourself.

I said it before that we're only human. It's not selfish if you want to be loved again. Even when you are a single mother (or a single father, if there's any), I guess it's only normal if you are longing for such feeling. Of course there are considerations to be done if you have kids, but who's to say that the potential partner won't turn out to be a great step parent?

The fact is we don't know that, but if it feels like acceptable, then it's risk worth taking. If you are only waiting for the right time, I guess it's safe to say there isn't a right time until you decide to seize the moment. I don't expect you to believe me right away, but give it a thought, really.

One last thing, and this is an interesting note, our hometown, unfortunately, can be a difficult place to live for those who fall into such categories above. You know how bitchy the petty minded people can be, but don't live based on other people's judgement. You are not here to please them and you don't owe your living to anybody else. Do what you deem fit with a clear conscience, but also remember that time doesn't wait.

Now, it's no secret that I love the Beatles. For this chapter, I'd like to end it with something that I listen to and always believe in, especially the last line:

Find love in any situation

Find love, whatever you do

Find love, a cause for celebration

Find love, a time for meditation

Find love, a source for inspiration

Find love, instead of confrontation

And love will come looking for you

Here's to a new beginning: celebrating it with a woman I love and those friendly faces that I've known for years...

Persahabatan Di Usia 30an: Hubungan Kasih

Anda dan saya telah melihat hubungan dua insan yang terjadi pada teman-teman saat sekolah. Kita mungkin tidak akan pernah menduga bahwa ada yang langgeng, tapi ada pula yang tidak, meskipun mereka tampak serasi satu sama lain pada saat SMU. Meskipun begitu, yang terjadi dalam kehidupan ini adalah yang terbaik. Jadi kalau kita tidak mengerti pada saat itu, mungkin kita akan mengerti sekarang, kenapa jalan hidup kita seperti itu.  

Mari fokus pada hari ini. Berbahagialah mereka yang berhasil mempertahankan hubungan mereka sampai sejauh ini. Sudah dua dekade lamanya kita lulus SMU, jadi tepuklah bahu pasangan anda dan katakan padanya, "you've done a good job."

Saya tidak akan menyinggung mereka yang bubar setelah SMU karena kita jelas tidak ingin berdiskusi tentang kenangan pahit masa lalu. Sebaliknya, bagian ini diperuntukkan untuk mereka yang belum menikah atau justru kandas rumah tangganya. Ini topik yang berat dan saya kadang merasa bahwa mungkin saya bukan orang yang tepat terlebih karena saya tidak lebih bijaksana dari teman-teman lain, tapi terkadang seseorang harus memulai, bukan? Saya sudah melihat banyak hubungan kasih (atau tiadanya hubungan kasih) di antara teman-teman dan merenungkan apa yang sebenarnya terjadi sebelum saya menulis, jadi saya harap tulisan ini bisa membantu. 

Dulu, ketika kita jauh lebih muda, kita mungkin berpikir secara naif bahwa kita akan lulus sekolah, mendapat pekerjaan yang layak, menikah dan hidup bahagia selamanya. Seandainya saja hidup sungguh sesederhana itu. Kenyataannya rumah tangga adalah sesuatu yang senantiasa perlu dibina, bukan sekali menikah terus beres. Ya, benar bahwa pernikahan itu berarti memiliki teman hidup dan mengasuh anak-anak adalah pengalaman yang luar biasa, tapi berbagai masalah juga bisa timbul, termasuk masalah keuangan, dan semua itu nyata.

Satu komentar dari pendamping pria saat saya menikah adalah, "hanya karena kakek dan ayah kita menikah, itu tidak lantas berarti kita harus menjalani ritual yang sama." Maksudnya adalah, tidak ada hukum tertulis bahwa kita harus menikah. Setiap orang memiliki pilihan untuk tidak menikah jika anda tidak menyukai konsep untuk terikat pada satu orang sampai maut memisahkan anda berdua. Seorang teman dekat saya sejak SMU juga berkata bahwa pria cuma butuh seks. Sudut pandangnya mungkin agak ekstrim, tapi kalimat itu diucapkan pada saat pernikahannya menjelang perceraian. 

Maka dari itu, jika anda masih seorang diri, anda perlu tahu apa yang anda inginkan sebenarnya. Banyak orang bisa memberikan gambaran pernikahan yang indah dan ideal, tapi sekarang, setelah kita sudah berumur 30an dan melihat sisi kelam dari kehidupan berumah tangga, kita mengerti bahwa pernikahan itu tidak selalu bahagia. Jangan pernah menikah hanya karena tekanan di sekeliling kita atau karena masalah umur supaya anda tidak menyesal di kemudian hari.

Pada saat yang sama, anda juga harus mengerti bahwa pernikahan itu berarti berbagi hidup anda dengan orang lain. Seperti halnya anda, orang lain ini juga tidak sempurna, jadi penyesuaian dan toleransi musti ada atau anda akan cekcok setiap hari. Resiko ini harus dipahami supaya anda membuat keputusan yang rasional.

Sekarang tanyakan pada diri anda sendiri, inikah yang anda mau? Jika ya, carilah pasangan hidup anda. Jika tidak, anda tidak harus menikah. Bila orang lain, termasuk saya, berkata bahwa hendaknya anda menurunkan harapan anda mengingat anda tidak lagi muda, anda boleh menjawab, "jangan ikut campur, ya." Ini adalah hidup anda dan anda bebas menentukannya. 

Kemudian ada lagi grup teman-teman yang bubar pernikahannya. Situasi ini bisa menjadi lebih rumit lagi jikalau mereka memiliki anak. Saya bukan pakar dalam hal ini, tapi sebagai teman, saya hanya bisa berkata bahwa harapan selalu ada. Maksud saya, kalau pernikahan anda gagal, jangan putus asa dan memutuskan bahwa anda tidak butuh pendamping lagi dalam hidup anda. Jika anda berbuat demikian, terutama dengan alasan bahwa anda hanya ingin fokus pada anak-anak dulu, saya rasa ini bukan pilihan yang adil bagi diri anda. 

Saya berkata demikian karena kita hanyalah manusia biasa. Perasaan ingin dicintai oleh orang lain bukanlah sesuatu yang egois. Jika anda adalah orang tua tunggal, normal rasanya jika anda memiliki perasaan tersebut. Tentu saja anda memiliki pertimbangan sendiri jika anda memiliki anak-anak dari pernikahan sebelumnya, tapi siapa yang bisa memastikan bahwa calon pasangan anda ini tidak akan menjadi orang tua angkat yang baik bagi anak-anak anda?

Kita tidak akan pernah tahu, tapi jika hati anda merasa bahwa ini adalah resiko yang layak diambil, maka terima dan jalani saja. Bila anda hanya menunggu saat yang tepat, saya rasa tidak ada saat yang tepat sampai anda memutuskan untuk melakukan sesuatu. Anda tidak harus percaya dengan apa yang saya ucapkan, tapi coba pikirkan. 

Satu hal terakhir, dan ini menarik untuk dicatat, kampung halaman kita bisa menjadi tempat yang sulit bagi mereka yang termasuk kategori di atas. Anda tahu bagaimana gencarnya gosip orang-orang di kota kecil, tapi janganlah hidup dalam pendapat negatif orang lain. Anda tidak terlahir di dunia ini untuk menyenangkan mereka dan anda tidak berhutang apa pun pada mereka. Lakukan apa yang anda inginkan dengan pikiran yang jernih dan lakukanlah sesegera mungkin, sebab waktu tidak menunggu. 

Oh ya, sudah bukan rahasia lagi bahwa saya adalah penggemar the Beatles. Saya ingin mengakhiri bagian ini dengan sesuatu yang saya dengar dan percaya. Simak baik-baik, terutama baris terakhir: 

Find love in any situation

Find love, whatever you do

Find love, a cause for celebration

Find love, a time for meditation

Find love, a source for inspiration

Find love, instead of confrontation

And love will come looking for you

Friendship In Our Thirties: Chapter 3 - Friendship And Money

I've been wanting to write about this since I saw an astounding quote on Facebook (it's a shame that I never saved it, because I can't find it anymore now). It basically talks about how we don't know who our friends are until money is involved. Coincidently, a friend of us also forwarded me a Kompasiana article that said how a friend of the writer decided not to go to reunion because he is poor.

Tell me, do you ever wonder why we wore a uniform back in our school days? When I gave it a thought, the idea behind it was, perhaps, to ensure the equality. Rich or poor, we were all treated the same. It worked to certain extent. I mean, even though were were only kids, we clearly recognized those who came from privileged family. Yet it was a simpler time, when we befriended one another simply because of who we were, not because what our parents had.

As we grow up, our fortunes change as well. God blesses us if we change for the better, but not everybody can handle the changes in an appropriate manner and this cuts both ways. That's when the social gap becomes apparent.

I've seen at least one that came from a well-to-do family and still stays as humble as he used to be. What an amazing person, really. There are also others who made it now, who were baptized by fire and came out as stronger characters than ever, but never lose their humility. Kudos to them all.

The rather problematic ones are those who were poor, who worked as hard as others, but changed once they are financially successful. This type of people would brag about how extravagant the lives they are living now, ie. how much they spend for hard liquor and so forth. For the love of God, do we really need to hear that? Are we supposed to be impressed? I don't think so. Glorifying such achievement is plain stupid. If one is really great, the other would have sincerely speak about this person instead.

One thing that I love to say jokingly (and I believe this is an original quote from me, haha) is one should learn how to spend first so that they get used to it when they become rich. Looking back, the saying must have been derived from my observation on some of those Mainland Chinese, who are rich and yet still behave like villagers. And, oh, remember when I said travelling is a humbling experience? It is, because that's when we learn that the world is so big and we're not really as important as we think we are. This is especially applicable to those newly annointed rich assholes that live in the remote areas.

Then there are those who are less fortunate or rather, who think of themselves as less fortunate. It's silly to judge oneself based on financial net worth. If you start calling your old friends as "bosses" and you really mean it, then it's you yourself that create the gap and you only got yourself to blame. Bear in mind that as long as we have reasons to smile and laugh, we are as rich as anybody else. I fail to see why we ever feel intimated by how financially successful some friends have become. We should have been glad and learn from them instead.

Now, if the situation above is not delicate enough, it can get much worse when borrowing money is involved. This is easily one of the most awkward situations ever in a friendship. The potential lender can only assume how sincere the borrower is, ie. it must be such a desperate situation that one would decide to borrow money, because if this friend is any decent, it must be difficult for him to inform his friend that he needs some financial help.

Still some said, if you agree to lend, it's a big chance you won't see your money back. Hell, you may even lose the friendship for whatever reason it is. Some said you pay for what he needs it for, ie. if he needs money for hospital, you help to pay the bill instead of giving the money just like that. Nonetheless, it's easier said than done, because by doing so, it's like crossing the privacy boundaries. Some said, you put it in black and white for all fairness, an interesting idea that is worth considering.

I can't really say if there's really one absolutely right way to do this, but I noted down one interesting thing for both borrower and lender: remember that the money could have been used for his or her own family, but the lender chooses to help the borrower instead, therefore the borrower should be responsible for the act of kindness he or she has received.

To summarize, we were friends in the first place because of who we were. What we become and the attributes that come with it should not hinder the friendship. If we want to stay friends, then just recall again why we were friends once upon a time in our lives.

One last thing, money is a good servant, but a terrible master. If prestige and wealth is important to you, then work hard for it, but don't ever get yourself something that you can barely afford, especially when it's only for your indulgence.

The poor and the rich, friendship and money, side by side

Persahabatan Di Usia 30an: Teman Dan Uang

Saya ingin menulis tentang ini sejak saya melihat kutipan kalimat di Facebook (sayang sekali saya tidak pernah menyimpannya dan saya tidak bisa menemukannya lagi sekarang). Inti dari kutipan tersebut berbicara tentang bagaimana kita tidak benar-benar mengenal teman-teman kita sampai uang terlibat dalam persahabatan. Secara kebetulan, seorang teman juga mengirimkan saya artikel Kompasiana tentang mereka yang tidak mau menghadiri reuni karena merasa minder dengan kondisi ekonomi mereka yang kurang mampu. 

Pernahkah anda bertanya, kenapa kita mengenakan seragam sewaktu sekolah? Ketika saya renungkan, saya rasa ide dari seragam adalah untuk memastikan persamaan antara murid-murid. Kaya atau miskin, semuanya memakai seragam yang sama dan diperlakukan setara pula. Upaya ini cukup berhasil, namun meski kita masih kanak-kanak, itu tidak lantas berarti bahwa kita tidak bisa mengenali mereka yang datang dari keluarga berada. Akan tetapi masa tersebut adalah masa yang lebih sederhana karena sebagai kanak-kanak, kita berteman apa adanya, bukan karena apa yang dimiliki oleh orang tua teman kita. Setelah kita dewasa, peruntungan kita berubah pula. Ada yang diberkati dengan sukses berlimpah, namun tidak semua bisa menyikapi perubahan itu dengan bijak. Dari sinilah kesenjangan sosial menjadi nyata. 

Saya sudah melihat setidaknya satu contoh dari mereka yang berasal dari keluarga berada dan sampai sekarang teman yang satu ini tetap tampil apa adanya dan tidak membanggakan kekayaan orang tuanya. Saya salut padanya. Ada pula mereka yang telah sukses secara materi sekarang setelah berjuang keras dalam hidupnya. Karakter mereka ditempa sedemikian rupa dan kekayaan tidak merubah sifat mereka yang dasarnya sederhana. Orang-orang seperti ini juga luar biasa. 

Yang agak bermasalah adalah mereka yang dulunya susah dan sukses sekarang, tapi berubah pula sifatnya begitu mereka menjadi kaya. Tipe orang-orang seperti ini suka membanggakan gaya hidup mereka sekarang lewat cara-cara yang sebenarnya tidak penting, misalnya berapa banyak uang yang telah mereka habiskan untuk minuman keras. Yang benar saja, apa kita perlu merasa terkesan saat mendengar cerita seperti itu? Saya kira tidak. Membanggakan hal seperti itu adalah konyol. Orang hebat akan secara tulus dibicarakan oleh orang lain tanpa propaganda tidak bermutu seperti ini. 

Satu hal yang saya suka ucapkan dengan nada bercanda (dan saya percaya kutipan ini asli dari saya sendiri, haha) adalah orang harus membiasakan diri dalam menghabiskan uang sebelum mereka menghasilkan banyak uang. Kalau saya lihat kembali, kutipan ini berasal dari hasil pengamatan saya tentang kelakuan orang-orang dari Cina Daratan yang kaya tapi masih bersikap kampungan. Ingat ketika saya mengatakan bahwa berkelana adalah sebuah pengalaman yang bersahaja? Ini benar adanya, sebab dari sinilah kita belajar bahwa dunia ini begitu luas dan diri kita ini tidaklah sepenting yang kita sangka selama ini. 

Kemudian ada lagi mereka yang masih kurang beruntung atau merasa bahwa mereka kurang beruntung. Saya heran kenapa harus menghakimi diri sendiri dengan taraf kekayaan. Jika anda mulai memanggil teman dengan sebutan bos dan anda serius dengan ucapan anda itu, saya rasa anda telah menciptakan kesenjangan yang sebenarnya tidak perlu. Selama kita bisa tersenyum dan tertawa, kita sama kayanya dengan orang lain. Saya tidak pernah benar-benar memahami kenapa kita harus merasa rendah diri di hadapan mereka yang lebih sukses secara finansial. Seharusnya kita bangga dengan teman-teman tersebut dan belajar dari mereka. 

Suasana di atas bisa menjadi lebih buruk lagi ketika pinjam-meminjam uang terjadi. Ini adalah masalah yang pelik dalam persahabatan. Yang meminjamkan uang hanya bisa berasumsi bahwa peminjam itu tulus dalam arti teman/peminjam itu pastilah dalam kesulitan. Kalau tidak begitu, rasanya seorang teman tidak akan memberanikan diri untuk membuka mulut dan meminjam uang.

Beberapa teman berpendapat, jika anda setuju untuk meminjamkan uang, kemungkinan besar anda tidak akan mendapatkan uang anda kembali. Anda bahkan mungkin kehilangan teman karena hal ini. Yang lain berkata bahwa sebaiknya kita bantu membayar apa yang sebetulnya perlu dibayar. Artinya kalau dia butuh biaya untuk rumah sakit, anda bisa membantu dia membayar biaya rumah sakit tersebut dan bukannya memberikan uang begitu saja. Pendapat lainnya mengatakan semua ini harus dituangkan dalam bentuk perjanjian utang-piutang. Ini ide yang patut dipertimbangkan. 

Saya rasa tidak ada solusi yang benar-benar cocok untuk masalah ini, tapi ada satu hal kecil yang saya catat dari diskusi di atas: untuk mereka yang meminjam, ingatlah bahwa uang yang dipinjamkan itu harusnya dipakai untuk kebutuhan keluarga teman yang bersedia meminjamkan, jadi peminjam seharusnya bertanggung jawab atas perbuatan baik yang telah diterima. 

Kesimpulannya, kita pertama-tama menjadi teman karena kita cocok dalam persahabatan. Apa pun posisi kita sekarang dan apa pun atribut yang datang bersama posisi tersebut hendaknya tidak menghalangi persahabatan kita. Jika kita ingin tetap menjadi teman, kita perlu mengingat kembali, kenapa dulunya kita bisa menjadi teman.

Satu hal terakhir, kita sering dengar bahwa uang adalah pelayan yang baik, tapi atasan yang buruk. Jika gengsi dan kekayaan adalah sesuatu yang penting untuk anda, bekerja keraslah untuk mencapainya. Jangan pernah memaksakan diri untuk membeli sesuatu yang sebenarnya jauh dari kemampuan anda untuk membayarnya, terutama jika itu hanya untuk kesenangan yang fana...

Friendship In Our Thirties: Chapter 2 - Travelling Here, Travelling There

Chapter 1 was rather heavy, but I do hope you picked up a thing or two that could be useful to you. Now, let's switch to a lighter topic, something that I really enjoy: travelling.

Why travelling? Well, as much as I hate (or scared of, to be precise) flying, travelling is fun. It brings us to places unknown to us before and it opens our horizons that makes us realize we came from a small town and that the world is a big place with so much to learn. Ain't that very much a humbling experience? Splendid!

Looking back now while writing this, I just realized that I've been fortunate enough to start travelling by myself since our high school days (circa June '96) all the way to our twenties and thirties. I've had voyages, road trips and long haul flights. I've travelled together with high school friends, housemates, colleagues, my best man, parents, my wife and daughters. If I had to rank them, business trip is the worst, I never like it at all due to its nature (business trip means working) and not much of a holiday. Family trip is, of course, endearing. What about travelling with a bunch of high school friends, then?

It's worth doing it for an apparent reason, if you asked me. I tend to think that in life, we are many things to others: a parent, a child, a spouse, a supervisor or a subordinate and so forth. Each come with its own set of responsibilities. Only when you travel with high school friends, whom knew you since God knows how long, that you can put down all the attributes, free from all those roles and just be the person you are. The result is a different kind of relax and joy. It's rejuvenating, really, and it gives you perspectives afterwards. Now, should you ever have a guilty feeling for doing this, I wish to tell you that this is not being selfish. Hey, we're only human, aren't we? As much as we try very hard for others, it's alright to live our lives the way we want it, too.

I remember back in the school days, when I travelled to Jakarta and Temajoh. I was so poor that the trips were literally funded by whatever pocket money that I managed to save. I don't even think if budget trip is a correct choice of phrase to describe it, but they were so memorable that they live on. We still talk about those trips these days. It's a pity that we don't have any photos to preserve the memories.

I remember the trips I had during my twenties. Definitely better than school days as we already started working and making money, haha. Life had less to worry about back then. Those trips were filled with laughter, so full of life and it was there and then I realized it is the journey with friends that counts, regardless where the destination is. I hope you can feel it, too, by looking at the picture that I shared here.

I remember the trips I have in my thirties. Many of us have families now, but for the fact that we made time and we made it happen, the last trip to Karawang does feel good, doesn't it? Does it mean that we're neglecting our families for doing so? I believe the answer is no, but I'll save that for the last chapter.

Eventually, if friendship is a a lifelong journey, shouldn't we live a life well-travelled to celebrate it? You may want to think about it. Cheers!

When all things are said and done, all you have are memories, hence create the good ones!

Persahabatan Di Usia 30an: Berkelana Ke Sana Kemari

Bagian pertama mungkin agak berat, tapi saya berharap anda bisa memetik inti yang ingin disampaikan. Sekarang mari kita berpindah ke topik yang lebih ringan dan menjadi favorit saya: berlibur!

Kenapa kita harus berlibur dan berjalan-jalan? Meski saya tidak menyukai perjalanan udara (lebih tepatnya takut), berlibur itu menyenangkan. Perjalanan kita membawa kita ke tempat yang tidak pernah kita ketahui sebelumnya dan membuka wawasan kita sehingga kita sadar bahwa kita ini berasal dari kota kecil dan dunia ini adalah tempat yang luas untuk menimba pengetahuan. Tidakkah itu sebuah pengalaman yang bersahaja? Luar biasa! 

Ketika saya menulis artikel ini dan melihat kembali, saya menyadari bahwa saya sudah cukup beruntung karena telah bertualang sendiri sejak SMU (dari tahun 1996) sampai dengan usia 20an dan 30an. Saya telah berlibur bersama teman SMU, teman serumah, rekan kerja, pendamping pengantin pria, orang tua dan juga istri dan anak-anak. Jika saya harus mengurutkan semua ini, perjalanan bisnis adalah yang terburuk karena judulnya saja kerja, jadi tidak nikmat seperti liburan. Liburan keluarga tentu saja menyenangkan. Namun bagaimana halnya dengan berlibur bersama teman-teman SMU? 

Menurut saya, berlibur bersama teman-teman SMU adalah hal yang sangat layak dilakukan. Saya kadang berpikir bahwa di dalam hidup ini, kita memainkan berbagai peran untuk orang lain: kita adalah orang tua, anak, pasangan hidup, atasan atau bawahan seseorang di kantor dan masih banyak lagi. Ketika anda berkelana bersama teman-teman SMU yang mengenal anda dengan baik, anda bisa menanggalkan segala atribut dan bebas dari segala peran dalam hidup anda dan tampil apa adanya. Hasilnya adalah suka-cita dan suasana santai yang sungguh berbeda. Rasanya bukan saja seperti kembali muda, tapi juga memberikan sudut pandang tersendiri bagi anda. Jika anda merasa bersalah saat berlibur bersama teman-teman, saya ingin berkata pada anda bahwa ini bukanlah perbuatan yang egois. Kita hanya manusia biasa, bukan? Sepanjang hidup kita dihabiskan untuk orang lain karena peran-peran kita di atas, jadi tidak ada salahnya jika kita ingin menikmati hidup seperti yang kita mau pula. 

Saya ingat saat sekolah, sewaktu saya berlibur ke Jakarta dan Temajoh. Saya begitu miskin pada saat itu sehingga semua perjalanan itu dibiayai uang jajan yang berhasil saya tabung. Saya rasa istilah budget trip pun tidak cocok untuk mendeskripsikan tipe perjalanan ini, tapi liburan ini teramat sangat berkesan sehingga abadi selamanya sebagai kenangan. Hingga hari ini pun kita masih berbicara tentang liburan-liburan ini. Satu hal yang saya sayangkan adalah kita tidak memiliki satu pun foto pada saat liburan. 

Saya ingat liburan pada usia 20an. Liburan kali ini jelas lebih mewah bila dibandingkan saat sekolah karena kita sudah mulai bekerja dan menerima gaji, haha. Di usia 20an, hidup tidak memliki begitu banyak beban yang perlu dikhawatirkan. Liburan-liburan pada masa ini dipenuhi canda dan tawa, begitu hidup, serta membuat saya menyadari bahwa seringkali perjalanan bersama teman itu yang penting, bukan tempat tujuannya. Saya harap anda bisa merasakannya dari gambar yang saya bagikan di atas. 

Saya ingat liburan pada usia 30an. Banyak di antara kita yang sudah berkeluarga, tapi fakta bahwa kita masih menyempatkan waktu untuk berlibur bersama membuat liburan itu berkesan. Perjalanan terakhir ke Karawang terasa heboh, bukan? Apakah itu berarti kita mengabaikan keluarga? Saya percaya jawabannya adalah tidak, namun alasannya akan saya paparkan nanti di bagian terakhir. 

Pada akhirnya, jika hidup adalah sebuah perjalanan, kenapa kita tidak memilih untuk hidup yang penuh dengan jalan-jalan? Coba anda dipikirkan!