The Eleventh Hour

It was almost midnight when the medicine inside the injection tube ran out, causing the machine to beep. I called the nurse for help and, as he replenished the medicine, I suddenly saw Dad lifting up his clenching fists. When both hands fell down on the bed, he seemed to be breathing no more. Because I never saw something like that so up, close and personal, let alone someone with a relationship as close as a father, I stared in disbelief for a while to observe what happened next. But nothing happened, so I nudged the nurse to tell him that from the look of it, Dad had stopped breathing. He did the preliminary checks and then called the doctor for further examination. At 11.20pm, Dad was pronounced dead.

I was stunned by how fragile life was. Dad was still breathing a while ago and a second later, he was gone before my very eyes. Just like that, life was snuffed out of him. There wasn't even a word of goodbye. As I was trying to process the harsh reality, I recalled the moral support from friends earlier that day. Many were ready to help should I need any assistance. Eday, on the other hand, personally encouraged me to be strong for the sake of my Mum because he knew the responsibilities would fall on my shoulder. He told me that I could always grieve later, but for now, I had to put on my brave face.

Hadi and Alvin, few hours earlier at the hospital. 

I pulled myself together and started informing family and friends. Much to my surprise and relief, Endrico phoned me, saying he was heading to the hospital with Alvin. To think that both of them were just with me few hours earlier. I was so thankful when they arrived. They made it possible for me to split the tasks and take care of things. Alvin and I went down to purchase a set of new clothes and a pair of shoes for Dad to wear, then we sorted out the paperwork. Endrico accompanied my mother and brother before sending them back to the hotel. Once we selected the funeral home, we sat outside the morgue, waiting for Dad's body to be injected with formalin, cleansed and dressed up.

It was a really strange affair for me to go through. Everything was so sudden and new. I had mixed feelings. Sad though I was because Dad had died, I was partly relieved that he was no longer suffering. I wasn't even sure if I had to cry. As humor was my way to deal with sadness, I cracked jokes instead with my two friends. Wawa was surprisingly still around on WhatsApp messenger at that ungodly hour, so we chatted and talked nonsense for a while, too. Once the body was out from the morgue, we made our way to the funeral home. After some paperwork and a small request to trim Dad's hair, I headed to Endrico's apartment. It was almost 3am. As we sat down and talked in his living room, the reality sank in. I remember saying this to Endrico, "now I'm a man with no father. I'm a paternal orphan."

The first batch of friends visiting. 

And as the eldest son, this orphan had to do what he had to do for his Dad. Heaven above surely had mercy on me that I didn't have to do it alone. Early in the morning, Mul AW already came to pay respect, then he stayed the whole day, just in case he could be useful. He was a wonderful pair of helping hands indeed. We ran errands together and personally, I was glad to have close friends like him around. Alvin came later on and throughout the entire saga, he was my go-to person. He took care of the arrangements with the preachers and fulfilled all my requests sincerely. May God bless his kindness for it was noble and touching.

The wake was held for the next three days and it was an emotional rollercoaster. I was fine for most of the time, but meeting those familiar faces who knew Dad from long ago could be overwhelming. The sadness would just burst out uncontrollably. Other than that, it was good to meet friends again and a big group of them did come, from Budiman Liwoto who came on the first day morning to Tuty who came last on the second night. It was very nice of them to make time, but I did tell my friends that there were better occasions for us to meet, such as dinner or reunion, therefore funerals shouldn't be the only time we ever hung out together. Last but not least, it was also great to have my wife and kids around at that time. Linda might be too young to understand what had happened, but she surely was the sunshine during this tough time.

My brother and I, heading for burial-at-sea.
Photo by Mul AW.

Then came Sunday, Dad's last day on earth. There was this awful feeling as I watched his coffin being pushed into the furnace. I couldn't help thinking that for all the good Dad did for me, I was very guilty for being the son who got him incinerated. It was also my duty to let go the bag of ashes into the sea, reducing the last bit of his earthly presence into nothingness. It was one unpleasant memory, really.

That's how Dad's story ended in this mortal world and, on the flip side, this is how I coped with the loss. I didn't keep things inside. I wrote stories about them instead as part of the healing process. At the same time, I'd also like to humbly say thanks to family and friends who had helped in any way they could. You guys were brilliant and what you had done was greatly appreciated. I'd like to express my deep gratitude to Endrico as well. Not only he offered me a place to stay when I clearly needed one, he was also my dinner and breakfast buddy. Most importantly, he was there as a friend in need (though he often jokingly said that I'd receive the bill in USD) and I'm very thankful for that...

The last breakfast together before I headed back to Pontianak.

Saat-Saat Terakhir

Tengah malam hampir tiba ketika obat di tabung injeksi habis dan membuat mesinnya berbunyi. Saya memanggil perawat dan selagi dia mengisi kembali obatnya, tiba-tiba saya melihat Papa mengangkat kedua tangannya yang terkepal. Ketika dua tangan itu rebah tanpa daya ke ranjang, Papa terlihat berhenti bernapas. Saya tidak pernah melihat peristiwa kematian sedekat ini, terlebih lagi peristiwa meninggalnya seorang kerabat keluarga yang dekat hubungannya, jadi untuk beberapa saat saya terpana, mengamati dan menanti apa yang terjadi selanjutnya. Namun tidak ada yang terjadi pada Papa sehingga saya pun bergumam pada perawat di sebelah saya bahwa Papa sepertinya tidak bernapas lagi. Dia lantas memeriksa Papa dan memanggil dokter jaga untuk memastikan apa yang telah terjadi. Pada pukul 11.20 malam, Papa dinyatakan meninggal. 

Saya tertegun melihat betapa rapuhnya kehidupan ini. Sesaat lalu Papa masih bernapas dan kemudian dia meninggal di depan mata saya. Kehidupan sirna dari tubuhnya begitu saja. Tidak ada ucapan perpisahan atau apa pun. Sewaktu otak saya berusaha mencerna realita ini, saya teringat lagi dengan dukungan moral yang saya terima dari teman-teman. Banyak yang siap membantu jika saya membutuhkan sesuatu, namun masukan dari Eday sedikit berbeda. Dia justru mengingatkan saya apabila yang terburuk terjadi, saya harus tetap tegar karena tanggung jawab untuk mengurus semua ini akan jatuh di pundak saya. Dia berkata bahwa saya selalu bisa berduka nanti, tapi untuk saat ini, saya harus teguh dalam menjalaninya.

Endrico di Dharmais. 

Inilah saat-saat yang ia maksudkan. Papa telah meninggal. Saya pun mulai mengabarkan berita ini pada keluarga dan teman-teman. Di luar dugaan, Endrico menelepon dan memberitahukan pada saya bahwa dia dan Alvin segera menuju ke rumah sakit. Saya terkejut, sebab mereka baru saja datang menjenguk beberapa jam yang lalu. Kendati begitu, saya juga bersyukur karena keberadaan mereka membuat saya bisa berbagi tugas. Alvin dan saya turun ke bawah untuk membeli pakaian yang akan dikenakan oleh jasad Papa, kemudian kita berdua mengurus surat administrasi di rumah sakit. Endrico menemani ibu dan adik saya, lalu mengantarkan mereka kembali ke hotel. Setelah saya memilih rumah duka, kita duduk di depan ruang jenazah sementara jenazah Papa dimandikan dan disuntik formalin. 

Ini adalah pengalaman yang aneh bagi saya. Semuanya terasa baru dan mendadak. Perasaan saya terasa bercampur-aduk dan saya bahkan tidak yakin bahwa saya ingin menangis. Ya, saya sedih Papa telah tiada, namun juga lega karena dia kini terbebas dari sakit yang dideritanya. Karena humor adalah cara saya untuk menghadapi banyak hal dalam hidup ini, saya bercanda sebisanya bersama teman-teman. Wawa juga masih beredar di WhatsApp saat itu, jadi saya pun turut bergurau dengannya. Ketika jasad Papa akhirnya keluar dari ruang jenazah, kita pun berangkat ke rumah duka. Setelah registrasi dan mengajukan permintaan kepada pengurus supaya perias jenazah merapikan rambut Papa, saya pulang bersama Endrico ke apartemennya. Jam menunjukkan waktu hampir pukul tiga pagi saat kita duduk dan berbincang di ruang tamu. Setelah memiliki waktu untuk menerima apa yang sebenarnya terjadi dalam beberapa jam terakhir ini, saya pun berkata kepada Endrico, "saya adalah seorang pria yang tidak memiliki ayah. Sekarang saya adalah anak yatim."

Bersama teman-teman di pagi hari kedua.

Dan sebagai putra sulung, anak yatim ini harus mengerjakan apa yang perlu dikerjakan untuk ayahnya. Yang di atas bermurah hati pada saya karena saya tidak harus menghadapi semuanya seorang diri. Di pagi hari, Mul AW sudah datang untuk memberikan penghormatan terakhir, lalu ia memutuskan untuk membantu ini-itu sepanjang hari. Kehadirannya sungguh meringankan beban saya. Alvin juga datang tidak lama setelah Mul dan dia menjadi koordinator dalam banyak hal. Semua itu mereka lakukan dengan ikhlas. Saya hanya bisa berharap bahwa Tuhan melihat dan berkenan dengan kebaikan mereka sehingga terberkatilah mereka. 

Masa berkabung berlangsung selama tiga hari dan ini adalah masa-masa yang sangat emosional. Saya cenderung baik-baik saja sepanjang waktu, tapi harus saya akui bahwa saat bertemu dengan mereka yang mengenal Papa dari sejak dulu bisa terasa sulit. Kesedihan di dalam hati bisa tiba-tiba muncul mengguncang tubuh. Di luar itu, saya senang bisa bertemu dengan teman-teman lagi. Banyak dari mereka yang datang, mulai dari Budiman Liwoto yang datang pada pagi hari pertama sampai Tuty yang terakhir datang di malam kedua. Kepada mereka saya sempat berpesan bahwa masih banyak kesempatan yang lebih menyenangkan bagi kita untuk berkumpul, misalnya saat makan malam atau reuni, jadi hendaknya jangan sampai kita hanya berkumpul kalau ada yang meninggal. Saya juga senang karena istri dan anak-anak bisa datang pada hari kedua. Linda mungkin terlalu muda untuk memahami apa yang sebenarnya sedang terjadi, tapi sedikit banyak dia mengurangi rasa duka di hati saya karena keceriaannya.

Rombongan teman di malam terakhir. 

Kemudian tibalah Minggu, hari Papa dikremasi. Ada perasaan begitu berduka saat saya melihat peti matinya didorong ke dalam tungku pembakaran. Saya jadi berpikir bahwa untuk semua kebaikan yang pernah Papa berikan, saya malah menjadi anak yang membakar tubuhnya hingga menjadi abu. Saya bahkan melarutkan tumpukan abu itu ke dalam lautan sehingga apa yang tersisa darinya pun lenyap begitu saja. Ini bukanlah suatu kenangan yang menyenangkan. 

Demikianlah kisah Papa di dunia fana ini berakhir. Di satu sisi, demikianlah pula saya menyesuaikan diri dengan rasa kehilangan. Saya tidak menyimpannya di hati, melainkan mencurahkannya dalam bentuk tulisan karena bercerita membuat saya lega. Pada kesempatan ini, saya juga ingin berterima kasih kepada pihak keluarga dan teman-teman yang telah membantu dengan segala cara dan upaya. Bantuan anda semua sangat saya hargai. Juga kepada Endrico, saya mengucapkan terima kasih sebesar-besarnya untuk budi baiknya, mulai dari tempat tinggal serta waktu dan juga persahabatannya (walau dia sering berujar kalau saya akan segera menerima tagihan darinya dalam mata uang USD)...

Santap malam mie bakso rusuk. 

I Remember Dad

I remember our first house, the very first one that I stayed at until I was a primary one student. There was always music playing when Dad was home. Oldies stuff, from Tom Jones to ABBA and Boney M. I remember listening to First of May, a song that I would rediscover again when I was a young adult. Then of course there were the Beatles. Just like any other fans, Dad would mention the names in the sequence of John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr (the last one was probably his favorite Beatle since I could sense the excitement whenever he said the name). I'd figure out what those names really meant to me many years later.

I remember sitting on the backseat of Dad's green Vespa scooter. He'd send me to and pick me up from school everyday. When it was raining, he'd wear his poncho-like raincoat. It was big and so spacious that I'd be sheltered from the rain, too. At the same time, I wouldn't be able to see anything from inside the raincoat, but it was alright, because we always made it to our destination. As a little kid, I had no doubts that I'd always be safe with Dad. He'd bring to the basketball court, too, where he'd play a game or two with the team called Vois. That was probably my only exposure to sport. I didn't really care, though. I went there simply because I knew we'd go for chicken porridge after that. 

Dad (first one from the right) and his basketball team.

I remember the happy childhood I had. It was filled with so many Japanese anime and tokusatsu as well as comics, courtesy of my Dad. Every afternoon, a bunch of kids and I would gather to watch the latest episode of Space Cop Gavan. There was also one night when he went all the way to find Smurf I requested and accidentally introduced me to Asterix instead. Just like many fathers of his generation, Dad was not really expressive in showing his fatherly love, but he sure knew how to encourage me to study hard and reward the effort. That's how I got my Nintendo and Sega Mega Drive. Most importantly, he was there to make sure I knew I was loved.

I remember a life lesson from Dad. I spent one whole day playing at my cousin's house and neglected my homework. Dad was furious and I was flogged with a cane the moment I reached home. I was understandably upset, therefore he left me alone for a while, but then he came to me to explain why I was punished. "Responsibilities come first," he said. I believed that wholeheartedly since then and I always repeated the story of that fateful day to my daughter as a reminder for her, too.

I remember my first music CD ever, the Bad album from Michael Jackson. Dad bought it for me. It was actually quite a surprise that he knew I loved Michael, because I didn't remember telling him that. Little did he know that it was a defining moment that changed my life. Michael was the greatest music influence in my life until the Beatles came along. He encouraged me to sing and dance to my heart's content.

The house we stayed at when Dad was riding high.

I remember Dad when he was doing really well. He gave the very best for both his immediate and extended family. He had been a blessing to many and through his generosity, he taught me that helping wasn't about asking anything in return. It was about sincerity, something that the world was really lacking of. Funny that for all the successes he had achieved, he never learnt how to drive his own car, though. But I remember him leisurely painting a landscape, the one time I ever saw him showcasing his legendary talent that I never got to inherit.

I also remember the time when he was down-and-out. A lesser man would have abandoned his family, but he never gave up and stayed true to his principles and moral compass as he provided for his family. Only in December 2018 he finally told me about the hardship and insults that he went through when he was bankrupt. For almost his entire life, he never said a word about the misery and painful life he endured to spare us from the unpleasant details and unnecessary heartache. He chose to carry the weight of the world himself.

I remember the day when I was at Dad's building materials shop in Setu, Bekasi. It was there that we rekindled the estranged dad-and-son relationship. We hadn't talked for quite some time because he moved to Bekasi while I continued pursuing my education in Pontianak. By the time we attempted to have the conversation, I was already a young adult and Dad treated me like one. He was apologetic about what had happened, but bad though it might seem, I assured him that my happiness was never taken away from me. I might be penniless, but I still led a wonderful life surrounded by friends and rock n' roll. In all seriousness, I wouldn't trade it for any other lives. Only the best happened, even though it might not look like it when it happened.

My favourite picture of Dad and Mum. This was taken in Guangzhou. 

I remember the times when we went for holiday in China and Japan. He loved China and to be able to see the mainland was like fulfilling his lifelong dream. We had great memories about how cold Zhuhai was and the meal in wooden rice bucket that we had in Shenzhen. On the other hand, he didn't really like Japan due to the bad blood between both countries during wartime. He finally toned down when we visited Hiroshima, after he saw the suffering the Japanese went through during the atomic bombing. For the longest time, he was Dad, but the trips finally revealed the man underneath the tough exterior. It was poignant to hear him sharing about things he was proud of and things that worried him still.

I remember the one time when my bathroom cabinet doors fell off because the hinges were rusty. I fixed them, alright, but when I stood back to admire my masterpiece, I couldn't help laughing and thinking about Dad. One door was tilted and the other two had a gap when I closed them! If only Dad was here. His craftsmanship was so good that he would easily fix them. I called him later that night and we had a good laugh about the whole thing.

Then came the day when we confirmed that he was suffering from stage 4 lung cancer. One night, when I was having dinner at home with my wife, Dad called to ask about the diagnosis again. Apparently he didn't really catch it because I conversed with the doctor in English. "So it's not curable?" Dad asked. It was awful for me to answer the question, but Dad laughed and said it was alright.

Months later, when we stood in front of the hospital after we finished the chemotherapy, I asked him his honest opinion about the cancer he had. He told me it was shocking to hear such a bad news. However, after he went through the whole processes and saw so many other patients ravaged by all sorts of cancers, he realised that what he had was actually quite alright as he was still able to function normally. As for death itself, it's inevitable anyway, so that wasn't even a thing he felt he had to worry about. If he could accept his destiny, then we also had to embrace the very sad fact that he had something cancerous going on.

I remember the time when I held a bag full of ashes from his cremated body. It was so surreal that one person lived for 66 years just to end up like this. By the time the bag sank into the sea, Dad was simply no more. He vanished without a trace but the world still went on, as if his existence didn't matter at all. Then I remember that even though he was physically no longer with us, he left behind countless good memories. It was bittersweet to hear people telling me that my Dad was a good person. You'd be fondly remembered, Dad. Always...

Our last family picture, taken in Kuching, 2016.

Kenangan Akan Papa

Saya terkenang dengan rumah pertama yang kami tempati hingga saya duduk di kelas satu SD. Sewaktu Papa pulang ke rumah, selalu terdengar lagu di ruang tamu. Dia senantiasa memutar tembang lawas, mulai dari Tom Jones sampai ABBA dan Boney M. Saya ingat betul dengan First of May, sebuah lagu yang kemudian saya temukan lagi saat menjelang dewasa. Papa tentu saja juga memutar lagu-lagu the Beatles. Seperti para penggemar pada umumnya, dia akan menyebutkan nama anggota grup musik itu secara berurutan, mulai dari John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison dan Ringo Starr (pemilik nama yang terakhir ini mungkin adalah favoritnya karena dia selalu terdengar bersemangat sangat menyebut namanya). Bertahun-tahun kemudian, siapa sangka empat nama tersebut memiliki peranan yang penting di dalam hidup saya?

Saya terkenang dengan saat-saat saya duduk di kursi belakang Vespa papa. Dia selalu mengantar dan juga menjemput saya di sekolah. Sewaktu hujan, dia akan memakai jas hujan yang besar dan menutupi seluruh vespa sehingga saya pun terlindung dari hujan. Saya tidak bisa melihat apa-apa dari balik jas hujan, tetapi saya tahu saya akan tiba di tempat tujuan. Bersama Papa, saya selalu merasa aman. Oh, dia terkadang membawa saya ke lapangan basket pula, ketika dia berlatih basket bersama tim Vois. Sejujurnya saya tidak terlalu tertarik dengan olahraga ini, tapi saya tetap turut serta karena setelah permainan basket, biasanya kita akan mampir untuk membeli bubur ayam yang saya sukai. 

Saya terkenang dengan masa kecil saya, masa-masa yang penuh dengan anime dan tokusatsu Jepang serta beraneka ragam komik. Bersama anak-anak lainnya, saya akan duduk di ruang tamu untuk menyaksikan episode terbaru dari Polisi Luar Angkasa Gaban. Ada juga suatu malam dimana Papa mencari-cari komik Smurf yang saya minta dan malah secara tidak sengaja memperkenalkan saya pada Asterix. Seperti halnya para ayah dari generasi yang sama, Papa tidak begitu ekspresif dalam mengungkapkan kasih sayangnya, tapi dia selalu mendorong saya untuk belajar dengan baik dan memberikan hadiah atas keberhasilan saya. Karena caranya inilah saya memiliki Nintendo dan Sega Mega Drive. Yang lebih penting lagi, dia memastikan bahwa saya tahu kalau saya dicintai oleh seorang ayah.

Bersama Papa di pesta ultah sepupu.

Saya terkenang dengan pelajaran hidup dari Papa. Kala itu saya bermain seharian di rumah sepupu dan mengabaikan PR saya. Papa marah besar dan saya dirotan begitu saya pulang ke rumah. Dia tahu bahwa saya sangat kesal padanya, jadi dia pun membiarkan saya sendiri untuk beberapa waktu. Sesudah itu barulah dia menghampiri saya dan menjelaskan bahwa tanggung jawab harus terlebih dahulu diselesaikan. Saya percaya ucapannya dengan sepenuh hati dan sekarang saya sering mengulang sepenggal kisah ini kepada putri saya supaya dia pun mengerti. 

Saya terkenang dengan CD musik pertama saya, album Bad dari Michael Jackson. Papa yang membelikannya untuk saya. Sesungguhnya saya agak terkejut karena saya sepertinya tidak pernah memberitahukan padanya bahwa saya menggemari Michael. Saya rasa dia pun tidak pernah menyadari bahwa CD menjadi salah satu titik perubahan yang paling penting dalam hidup saya. Jauh sebelum saya mengenal the Beatles, musik Michael besar artinya bagi saya. Dia membuat saya berani untuk menyanyi dan menari sesuka hati. 

Saya terkenang ketika Papa mencapai sukses dalam karirnya sebagai pengusaha. Dia memberikan yang terbaik untuk keluarga dan sanak-saudaranya. Dia menjadi berkat bagi begitu banyak orang dan dari kemurahan hatinya, dia mengajarkan pada saya bahwa menolong itu tidaklah meminta imbalan. Membantu orang lain adalah tentang keikhlasan hati, sesuatu yang tidak sering kita lihat di dunia ini. Jikalau ada hal yang lucu dalam kesuksesannya, maka itu adalah fakta bahwa dia tidak pernah belajar mengemudikan mobil yang dibelinya. Akan tetapi saya ingat bahwa dia pernah melukis gambar pemandangan di saat senggang, sekali-kalinya dia menunjukkan talentanya dalam dunia seni yang sayang sekali tidak terwariskan oleh saya maupun adik saya. 

Saya juga terkenang dengan saat dimana dia terpuruk. Orang dalam kondisi seperti itu bisa saja kabur dan meninggalkan keluarganya, tapi dia tidak menyerah dan tetap memegang teguh prinsip hidupnya dalam menafkahi keluarga. Hanya pada bulan Desember 2018 yang lalu dia membuka diri dan bercerita pada saya tentang kesulitan dan penghinaan yang dialaminya saat bangkrut. Hampir sepanjang hidupnya dia tidak mengatakan apa pun tentang tentang kesengsaraan yang dia tanggung supaya kita tidak perlu merasa sakit hati atau sedih karena pahitnya kehidupan yang ia jalani. Dia memilih untuk menanggung semuanya sendiri. 

Saya terkenang dengan saat saya berada di toko bangunan Papa di kawasan Setu, Bekasi. Di sanalah hubungan ayah dan anak yang sebelumnya renggang itu terbina kembali. Waktu itu kita sudah lama tidak berbincang karena dia pindah ke Bekasi sementara saya memilih untuk meneruskan pendidikan di Pontianak. Ketika kita akhirnya mendapat kesempatan untuk berbicara langsung, saya sudah beranjak dewasa dan dia pun memperlakukan saya sesuai dengan usia saya. Papa menyesal karena merasa telah mengabaikan saya, namun meskipun kelihatannya seperti itu, saya meyakinkannya bahwa kegembiraan saya tidak terenggut oleh kesulitan hidup. Saya mungkin hidup miskin, tapi hidup saya tetap terasa menyenangkan karena dikelilingi oleh teman-teman dan juga lagu-lagu rock n' roll. Seandainya hidup ini bisa ditukar, saya bahkan tidak akan menukar apa yang saya alami dengan kehidupan lain yang mungkin lebih gemerlap. Saya percaya hanya yang terbaik yang terjadi, walaupun mungkin tidak terlihat baik pada saat terjadi.

Papa di Tokyo.

Saya terkenang dengan saat kita berlibur ke Cina dan Jepang. Papa menyukai Cina dan bisa menginjakkan kaki di sana terasa bagaikan mewujudkan impian hidupnya. Kita memiliki kenangan tentang dinginnya Zhuhai dan makanan di Shenzhen yang disajikan dalam gentong nasi yang terbuat dari kayu. Akan halnya liburan di Jepang, awalnya dia tidak begitu suka karena sejarah buruk antara Jepang dan Cina pada masa perang. Dia akhirnya terenyuh saat kita mengunjungi Hiroshima dan menyaksikan penderitaan mereka saat bom atom dijatuhkan. Lewat perjalanan ke Jepang itu pula saya mengenal sisi lain dari orang yang saya panggil ayah ini. Sewaktu kita menaiki kereta ke Osaka, dia bercerita tentang hal-hal yang membuatnya bangga dan apa saja yang masih dia cemaskan dalam hidup ini. 

Saya terkenang dengan saat dimana pintu lemari kamar mandi saya lepas dari engselnya yang berkarat. Saya berhasil memperbaikinya, tapi setelah saya mundur beberapa langkah untuk mengagumi hasil karya saya, saya jadi geli dan teringat dengan Papa. Lemari kaca saya miring pintunya dan dua pintu lainnya di lemari bawah tidak bisa menutup dengan rapat dan menyisakan celah tepat di tengah. Jika saja Papa ada di Singapura. Dia sangat mahir menjadi tukang dan pastilah bisa memperbaiki pintu-pintu ini dengan mudah. Saya lalu meneleponnya di malam hari dan dia pun turut tertawa setelah mendengar cerita saya. 

Kemudian tiba hari dimana kita akhirnya memastikan bahwa dia menderita kanker paru-paru stadium empat. Suatu malam, ketika saya sedang makan bersama istri, Papa menelpon dan bertanya tentang diagnosa dokter. Ternyata dia tidak begitu mengerti karena saya bercakap-cakap dengan dokter dalam bahasa Inggris. "Jadi tidak bisa disembuhkan lagi?" tanya Papa. Saya merasa sedih saat menjawab pertanyaan tersebut, tapi Papa hanya tertawa kecil dan berkata tidak apa-apa. 

Beberapa bulan kemudian, ketika kita berdiri di depan rumah sakit setelah menyelesaikan satu sesi kemoterapi, saya menanyakan pendapatnya tentang kanker yang menyerang tubuhnya. Dia jujur mengakui bahwa dia terkejut saat mendengar vonis dokter. Kendati begitu, setelah dia menjalani kemoterapi, dia melihat berbagai pasien yang lebih parah kondisinya dan dia merasa cukup beruntung karena tubuhnya masih berfungsi seperti biasa. Dia juga berkata bahwa cepat atau lambat, semua orang pasti akan meninggal, jadi dia tidak terlalu mengkhawatirkannya. Setelah melihat bahwa dia bisa menerima nasibnya, saya sadar bahwa saya pun harus menerima kenyataan ini pula. 

Saya teringat ketika saya memegangi tas putih berisi abu dari jenazahnya yang baru saja kremasi. Saya merasa sulit percaya bahwa seseorang melewati 66 tahun dalam hidupnya hanya untuk berakhir seperti ini. Tatkala tas putih itu tenggelam ke dalam laut, apa yang tersisa dari Papa pun hilang sudah. Dia bagaikan lenyap tanpa jejak dan roda kehidupan tetap berputar seperti biasa, seakan-akan keberadaannya tidak berarti apa-apa. Kemudian saya teringat lagi, meskipun dia tidak lagi bersama kita secara fisik, dia meninggalkan begitu banyak kenangan berharga. Sedih bercampur senang rasanya saat mendengar banyak orang mengatakan bahwa mendiang Papa adalah orang yang baik. Kenangan tentang dirimu akan hidup selalu, Papa. Selalu dan senantiasa...

Foto terakhir bersama Papa.

A Father Figure

I'm not sure if the same thing did happen to you, but I always had certain default images in my head for certain age groups that would turn out to be incorrect when I reached that age. For example, when I was a primary student, I always thought that high school students, with the long trousers they wore and a bit of moustache above the upper lip, were very mature. Years later, when I myself was a high school student, I realised that the image couldn't be more wrong. At that age, we were like a man-child. We had grown up physically, but we were still wrecking havoc when opportunities arose.

I'm a husband and a father of two these days. I'll be 40 years old next year. I seldom felt old, but there were times when I was reminded that I wasn't young anymore. When I filled up an online form, for instance, suddenly scrolling down to the year 1980 took longer than it used to be. When I saw Bruce Lee's photos on the internet, I couldn't help thinking that I had lived much longer than my hero. Then the most obvious one was of course the time when I accidentally discovered that it was much more comfortable to look at my phone without glasses.

Those hints aside, I was oftentimes oblivious to the fact that I had aged a lot since high school. This was probably due to the fact that I still hung out with old friends on daily basis. The close friendship I had was quite genuine in the sense we weren't showing off or comparing who was richer and so forth. It was so easy-going that we could simply be ourselves. I liked the way that it could be full of nonsense sometimes... correction! It was full of nonsense for most of the time!

Such exposure, in turn, only enhanced the fun-loving character in me. At home I could be a stern father when I needed to be, but more often than not, I would just joke around and be playful with the kids. If I used my daughter Linda as a reference, her childhood and mine couldn't be more different.

When I was a boy, I feared my Dad. When I was being naughty and Mum said, "wait until your father gets home," I knew I was doomed. One thing that I also remember well was when I asked him questions. He would just answer, "hmm." It was so vague that I actually didn't know if it was yes or no, let alone answering a more complicated questions I had. Further enquiries would only get me into dire consequences, so after a while, I knew how to read the situation and behave.

What I experienced eventually formed a certain image. Before I was a father, I thought I had to be this serious and authoritative fellow in front of the kids all the time. Now that I was one, I realised that I was far from it and hey, I didn't even have to be like that! It was a different generation and I wasn't my Dad, so I did it my way.  Time will tell if I did it right.

Now, one thing I learnt since I became a father was, despite what you'd heard, being a Dad didn't seem to be a full time job. Apart from playing the role as a breadwinner nine hours a day, I still managed to spend some time doing all the silly stuff and today's technology made it even easier because almost everything could be done through the smartphone. In short, I wasn't a 24/7 father! This finally got me thinking: Dad was 34 when I was Linda's age, much younger than me when he was a father of a six-year old boy. If I am still behaving this way when I'm almost 40, could there be any possibilities that he, too, wasn't always this strict figure I thought he was?

The mystery was resolved recently. It was interesting to learn that he was a young man just like me back then, trying his best to be a father and himself in the era before the Internet (that meant instead of Google, he'd go to Taoist priests to ask questions) He hung out with friends and did all the silly things, of course, but he was also a father who made sure in his limited ways and gestures that I knew I was loved. To give you some perspective, fatherly love wasn't commonly expressed in Pontianak during the 80s while spanking and canning were widely practiced.

It was an endearing conversation. He wasn't a perfect Dad, but I couldn't be more proud to be my father's son. It was also good to know that apparently we weren't that different at all. If you still had the chance, I'd suggest you to approach your old man and had a civilised adult conversation. You'd definitely see him in a different light...

A father figure...

Figur Seorang Ayah

Saya tidak tahu apakah anda pernah berpikiran sama, tapi sedari dulu, saya senantiasa memiliki persepsi tentang kelompok usia tertentu yang lantas terbukti salah saat saya mencapai usia tersebut. Sebagai contoh, ketika saya masih murid SD, saya selalu berpikir bahwa siswa SMU yang mengenakan celana panjang dan memiliki kumis tipis itu terlihat sangat dewasa. Bertahun-tahun kemudian, ketika saya mencapai jenjang SMU, saya menyadari bahwa apa yang ada di benak saya itu keliru. Di usia remaja SMU, kita masih bertingkah seperti bocah. Meski secara fisik sudah tumbuh dewasa, kita masih tetap berbuat nakal di kala ada kesempatan. 

Tahun depan saya akan memasuki usia ke-40. Saya adalah seorang suami dan juga ayah dari dua orang anak sekarang. Walau saya jarang merasa tua, tetap saja ada sesuatu yang mengingatkan saya bahwa saya tidak lagi muda. Tatkala mengisi formulir online, misalnya,  saya kini membutuhkan beberapa saat untuk menggulirkan pilihan tahun kelahiran yang tertera sebelum akhirnya mencapai tahun 1980. Sewaktu saya melihat foto Bruce Lee di internet, saya seringkali teringat bahwa saya sudah hidup jauh lebih lama dari idola saya. Kemudian yang paling terasa adalah ketika saya secara tidak sengaja menyadari bahwa lebih jelas bagi saya untuk membaca tulisan di telepon genggam saya tanpa menggunakan kacamata. 

Kalau bukan karena tanda-tanda yang saya sebutkan di atas, saya sering lupa dengan faktor usia. Ini mungkin dikarenakan oleh pergaulan dengan teman-teman lama dalam kehidupan hari-hari. Persahabatan yang dekat itu boleh dikatakan terjalin apa adanya dalam arti kita tidak saling pamer dan membanding-bandingkan siapa yang lebih kaya. Pokoknya terasa enteng dan memungkinkan kita untuk menjadi diri kita sendiri. Saya juga suka dengan pertemanan yang terkadang penuh dengan kekonyolan yang jenaka... koreksi! Bukan terkadang, tetapi hampir setiap saat, haha! 

Situasi dan kondisi seperti ini kian menguatkan karakter humoris saya dalam menyikapi hidup. Meski saya bisa menjadi ayah yang tegas di rumah di kala mendisiplinkan anak, namun saya cenderung senang bercanda dan bermain bersama anak-anak di saat santai. Jika saya menggunakan putri saya Linda sebagai acuan, masa kecilnya jauh berbeda dengan masa kecil saya. 

Ketika saya masih kanak-kanak, saya takut pada ayah saya. Bilamana saya tidak patuh dan ibu saya berkata, "tunggu sampai ayahmu pulang," saya tahu saya pasti celaka. Satu hal yang juga saya ingat betul adalah ketika saya bertanya pada Ayah. Biasanya dia hanya akan bergumam, "hmm." Saya bahkan tidak tahu apakah itu adalah artinya ya atau tidak, jadi bayangkan betapa bingungnya saya saat menerima jawaban seperti itu untuk pertanyaan yang lebih kompleks. Kalau saya bertanya lebih lanjut, akibatnya bisa fatal. Setelah beberapa kali mengalaminya, saya pun belajar untuk membaca keadaan.

Apa yang saya alami akhirnya membentuk suatu persepsi. Sebelum saya menjadi seorang ayah, saya mengira bahwa saya harus menjadi sosok yang serius dan berwibawa di depan anak sepanjang waktu. Akan tetapi, setelah saya jalani, saya mengetahui bahwa saya jauh dari sosok yang saya bayangkan itu dan hei, ternyata saya juga tidak perlu menjadi seperti itu! Saya berasal dari generasi yang berbeda dan saya bukanlah ayah saya, jadi saya lakukan dengan cara saya. Apakah cara saya itu benar, biarlah waktu yang berbicara nantinya, ketika anak-anak sudah dewasa. 

Satu hal yang saya pelajari sejak saya menjadi seorang ayah adalah, berbeda dengan apa yang saya dengar sebelumnya, menjadi ayah sepertinya bukan pekerjaan setiap saat. Sebagian besar waktu saya digunakan untuk bekerja menafkahi keluarga dan di samping itu, saya masih sempat berkawan, membanyol dan lain-lain, terutama karena begitu banyak hal bisa dilakukan lewat telepon genggam pada zaman sekarang. Singkat kata, saya tidak selalu memainkan peran sebagai ayah selama 24 jam dan 7 hari seminggu! Hal ini lantas membuat saya berpikir: ayah saya berusia 34 tahun saat saya seumuran Linda, jauh lebih muda dari saya ketika dia menjadi ayah seorang bocah laki-laki berumur enam tahun. Kalau saya sendiri masih haha-hihi saat menjelang usia 40, apakah mungkin bahwa Ayah juga tidak selalu menjadi sosok tegas yang selama ini saya lihat? 

Misteri ini terkuak baru-baru ini. Menarik untuk dipelajari bahwa dia pun seperti saya dulunya, seorang anak muda yang berusaha untuk menjadi ayah dan dirinya sendiri di dunia sebelum internet merambah (ini artinya dia bertanya ke loya/tatung alias orang pintar dan bukannya ke Google). Di luar rumah, dia juga berkawan dengan banyak teman dan cukup heboh untuk ukuran zamannya. Sebagai seorang ayah, meski ia memiliki keterbatasan dalam bersikap dan berkata-kata, dia senantiasa memastikan bahwa saya tahu bahwa dia menyayangi saya. Untuk memahami penyataan ini, perlu saya beritahukan bahwa di Pontianak pada dekade 80an, kasih sayang seorang ayah itu tidaklah lumrah untuk ditunjukkan secara langsung dan ekspresif pada anak sementara hukuman fisik menggunakan rotan dipraktekkan secara umum. 

Percakapan saya dan Ayah sangat mengesankan. Dia bukanlah ayah yang sempurna, tapi saya sangat bangga menjadi anaknya. Senang rasanya bisa mengetahui bahwa ternyata kita berdua, ayah dan anak, tidaklah jauh berbeda. Jika anda masih memiliki kesempatan, saya sarankan anda untuk berbincang-bincang dengan ayah anda secara dewasa dan terbuka. Setelah itu anda juga pasti akan melihatnya dari sudut pandang yang berbeda...

PR Holders: Getting A Primary School For Children

We have reached the 6th month of 2019 year, June. One month later, a lot of parents will be busy enrolling their children into the Primary School. It reminds me of what I experienced last year. The Primary One registration was even more challenging last year because there were many kids looking for school last year and the seats were limited. Based on the statistics, there were 42,663 dragon babies who were born in 2012 while in 2013 there were only 39,720 babies. Getting a primary school was more challenging last year and it was even harder for Permanent Resident holders because if the number of seats are less than the applicants, the priority would be given to Singaporeans.

My first consideration was to get a primary school nearer to our home. It will save a lot of time and energy for the kid and also the parents who bring them to school. Ideally the school is within the walking distance so we can save the transportation cost, too. The second criteria was getting a reputable school in academic and character development. Knowledge is important but good attitude is the one that will bring our kids further in life.

Based on these criteria, we would like our kids to study in RPS that is located just in front of our home. Walking to the school only takes us 5 minutes. I wanted it badly since two years before the registration year, but I knew it was kind of impossible because even the citizens needed to do balloting to enter the school every year and that meant no hope for a PR holder's kid to get a seat there. The only chance was to do parent volunteer. As soon as they opened the registration for parent volunteer, I registered. However, as expected, there was no response from the school. My application for PV was eventually rejected. I was so disappointed. I knew there was no hope anymore to enter this school. Every time I passed  by the school when I wanted to go out to the LRT station, I was sad. The school is so close but yet so far to reach. However, I started to accept the reality and began to look for another school.

As you may already know, our guidance for PS registration is MOE web (www. moe.gov.sg). There are several registration phases:

1. Phase 1: For a child who has sibling studying the PS of choice.

Our dragon baby (who wasn't a baby anymore) is our firstborn so she can't enter through this phase.

2. Phase 2A (1):

a. For a child whose parent is a former student of the PS and who has joined alumni association as   a member not later than 30 June 2018

b. For a child whose parent is a member of School Advisory/Management Commitee

Both of my husband and me studied in Indonesia until university so our kid also cannot enter this phase.

3. Phase 2A (2): 

a. For a child whose parent or sibling has studied in the primary school of choice

b. For a child whose parent is a staff member of the PS of choice
. For a child from the MOE Kindergarten under the purview of and located within the primary school of choice

Our only chance in this phase is the third criteria but RPS does not have affiliated MOE Kindergaten and if they have, it will be too late to register since MOE just added this criteria last year.

4. Phase 2B

a. For a child whose parent has joined the PS as a parent volunteer not later than 1 July 2018 and has given at least 40 hours of voluntary service to the school by 30 June 2019

b. For a child whose parent is a member endorsed by the church/clan directly connected with the primary school

c. For a child whose parent is endorsed as an active community leader

This phases is the updated version for this year's registration. Parent volunteer should be done at least a year before registration. I registered as soon as our PS of choice opened their PV registration but as I mentioned above, my application was rejected. Being a parent volunteer meaning that we can submit registration form in Phase 2B but there is still no guarantee we can be accepted in the school. If the number of applicants are exceed the number of vacancies in Phase 2B, the school will still do the balloting.

After this phase finished last year, there were only half of the available seat in RPS left for the next phase. That was also what happened in other popular primary school, a lot of seat were occupied in this phase.

5. Phase 2C

For all children who are eligible for Primary One in the following year and are not yet registered in a primary school.

This is the most competitive phase among all, especially for babies born in the year of dragon. There are a lot number of applicants while the vacancies are limited in popular school. Singapore Citizen (SC) will be given absolute priority over Singapore Permanent Resident (PR) when balloting is necessary. If the number of applications exceed the number of vacancies, SC will be admitted first ahead of PR before home school distance is considered. Hence for PR, the home school distance is not an "important factor" because even though our home is very close (around 30m) from RPS, Singaporeans who stay 100 m from RPS will be given priority over us.

Registration in phase 2C can be done in three days and it is not based on the first come, first serve basis. It means there is no different in chances whether we register on the first day or the 3rd day. The school will collect the number of all applicants who register in those three days and compared with the number of vacancies. If the number of applicants exceed the number of vacancies, they will do balloting.

MOE updated the number of applicants vs vacancies every day on their website. We watched the number closely to know our chances. By the end of Day 1, the number of applicants in RPS already exceeded the number of vacancies. I knew I had to forget RPS and register at other school. I didn't feel sad anymore because a year had passed since I was first rejected. Another PS of choice that is located within 1km from my home was also balloting for SC so I needed to find other school.

I considered 2 other PS that are located within 3km from my place,  let's say PS A and B. By the end of Day 2, the number of seats left in PS A was only less than 20 seats while in PS B there were still around 60 seats. At Day 3, we had to make a decision which PS we were going to register our kid. Shall we register her in PS A that is more established and has a good reputation but subjected to balloting for PR who stayed within 3km? Or shall we register her in PS B, a new school that still had more vacancies and most probably no balotting? In term of distance, both are relatively the same. We need to take public transportation for around 30-40 minutes to reach both schools.

After a long consideration finally we decided to register at PS B. We did not want to face balloting and took the risk of registering in Phase 2C supplementary as the chances of getting a good school for PR would be even slimmer. As predicted, we gott the seat at PS B when MOE announced the result. Praise God.

For your information, the next phase of registration are Phase 2C Supplementary and Phase 3:

6. Phase 2C Supplementary

For a child who is not yet registered in a primary school after phase 2C.

7. Phase 3

Only for non Singapore citizen/no Permanent Resident children who have indicated their interest and are informed by MOE in October 2019 that they can be offered a P1 place. 

It had been half a year since my girl started her school at PS B. She is growing well there. From only reading simple words, now she is able to read a thick book. She has a good form teacher who recognizes her potential and gives her trust to be a Prefect. She has many friends and builds close friendship with some of them. She is happy and excited to go to school everyday. The only downside is the distance. She needs to wake up very early in the morning to go to school. It takes 40 minutes for us to reach her school. But after some time, we get used to it.

In summary, here are some tips for PR:

1. Gather information about Primary Schools within your area. If the nearby Primary School is a favourite school, prepare for other alternatives that may be a bit far but is accessible by public transport. You can check OneMap.sg to know which primary schools are available within your area. To check the balloting history of primary schools, you can follow kiasuparent.com.

2. Be realistic in setting your expectation. If the track record shows that SC needs to do balloting at your primary school of choice, join Parent Volunteer. That is the only chance to get the seat. If you can't join PV then it will be better to find another alternatives. Personally I believe every government school will not be much different in term of education quality. The curriculum for each school will be the same.

3. At Phase 2C, monitor closely on daily basis, what the chances are to enter your primary school of choice and then register at the last day of phase 2C.

I wish all the parents who register this year a very good luck!

The dragon baby and Dad. 

The Money Game

One of the recurring topics that we always talked about in our high school chat group is the money game. If I remember correctly, the first one was Dream for Freedom. We discussed about it as early as 2015. It tanked and was eventually parodied as Dream for Crot (crot as in the sound of male orgasm). The latest ones, MIA and GCG, were also heavily debated before they allegedly went bust.

A couple of friends joined MIA. One friend even arranged a meeting with another friend to convince this potential downline that MIA was safer than the other because it came with certificates and so forth. Always one with sense of humour, I actually couldn't help thinking how that was possible, given the fact that MIA normally stands for Missing In Action, haha. However, this old friend of mine, a money game veteran, gave me an interesting insight when he came to Singapore recently.

He told me that the risk of getting involved in money games was like stretching your hand into the mouth of a crocodile. It opened wide for now, but you just wouldn't know when it was going to bite you off. If there was anything precious inside the mouth, you'd just want to grab as much as you could within the shortest time possible. You certainly didn't want to hang out too long there, especially when you knew you'd lose your arm in a very excruciating way!

Having said that, money games were never safe to begin with, regardless how many certificates it had. Thanks to the flawed logic that paid a big sum of money to those who joined first, there would come a time when things slowed down and it simply couldn't sustain the flow anymore. It would eventually collapse, therefore if one would like take the risk, safety should be the least of the concerns. If you were going to get screwed, you might as well choose the money game with the highest return of investment in the shortest period of time. In this case, GCG was a lesser of two evils.

Needless to say, he reaped the profits when the scams folded. In the aftermath, there were many opinions about the money games. One said she'd join only if she had extra money. Someone else commented that she would join but wouldn't drag others to join for fear that it'd do more harm than good (noble though the intention was, it sounded like it defeated the very purpose of the money game itself, haha). There was also another point of view, which were rather lengthy, saying that the calculation was unrealistic, therefore it didn't make any business sense for him to invest.

Eventually, when money was involved, you'd either be greedy or be fearful about it. Human nature, I reckon. Some were smart enough to take profits. Others must have been regretting the actions they took. Many were too scared to get involved, perhaps for their own good. A few were very much aware of this was all about, thus they stayed away from the money games. Then, finally, came a question that I was never prepared for: "did you join GCG or MIA, Anthony?"

It never occurred to me that one would actually ask me this, but when I gave it a thought, I never had any doubts about why I didn't join. Numbers always made me nervous. I remember how I checked and re-checked again when I entered something as simple as a bank account number. I was just not smart enough for the money games, so I wouldn't touch them with a barge pole. In life, I'd rather have one less thing to worry about and spend my time writing, haha...

The money games: no guts, no glory?

Permainan Uang

Salah satu topik yang sering didiskusikan di grup teman-teman SMU adalah permainan uang. Jika ingatan saya tidak keliru, yang pertama kita bahas pada tahun 2015 adalah Dream for Freedom. We discussed about it as early as 2015. Perusahaan ini bangkrut dan akhirnya diparodikan sebagai Dream for Crot, dimana crot adalah suara ejakulasi pria. Yang terkini adalah MIA dan GCG yang menuai pro dan kontra sebelum kedua-keduanya disinyalir gulung tikar.

Beberapa orang teman bergabung dengan MIA. Salah satu dari mereka bahkan mengatur pertemuan dengan seorang teman lainnya supaya dia bisa menjelaskan investasi MIA pada teman yang berpotensi menjadi calon investor ini. Dipaparkan olehnya bahwa MIA memiliki sertifikat yang menjamin keamanan investasi. Sebagai orang yang berselera humor, saya sebenarnya agak geli saat mendengar nama MIA, sebab itu merupakan singkatan missing in action, jadi mana mungkin bisa aman? Akan tetapi teman saya yang merupakan seorang veteran dalam permainan uang memberikan saya sudut pandang yang menarik. Dia menceritakan pendapatnya saat berkunjung ke Singapura.

Menurut teman saya ini, ikut serta dalam permainan uang ini tak ubahnya seperti menjulurkan tangan ke mulut buaya. Rahangnya mungkin menganga lebar sekarang, namun kita takkan tahu kapan sang buaya akan mengatupkan mulutnya. Jika di dalamnya ada sesuatu yang berharga, anda harus bergegas mengambil sebanyak mungkin dalam waktu sesingkat-singkatnya. Tentunya anda tidak ingin berlama-lama, apalagi anda tahu pasti kalau anda mungkin bisa kehilangan satu lengan dengan cara yang teramat sangat menyakitkan!

Berdasarkan perumpamaan di atas, jelas sudah bahwa permainan uang bukanlah investasi yang aman, tidak peduli seberapa banyak sertifikat yang terlampir. Ada yang salah dengan logikanya. Mereka yang telah bergabung duluan mungkin cepat balik modal dan dapat untung, tapi akan tiba waktunya dimana aliran dana akan tersendat dan tak lagi sehat perputarannya. Pada akhirnya bisnis ini akan tumbang. Dengan demikian, segi keamanan seharusnya tidak menjadi faktor penentu bagi untuk ikut serta, karena dari awal memang sudah tidak aman. Jika anda memang mau mengambil resiko, maka pilihlah permainan uang yang paling menguntungkan dalam tempo sesingkat mungkin. Dalam kasus ini, GCG lebih unggul dari MIA. 

Teman saya ini bukan hanya telah balik modal, tapi juga sudah untung ketika GCG mulai menunda pembayaran kepada nasabah. Setelah banyak kabar tak sedap, teman-teman di grup pun kembali beropini. Ada yang berkata bahwa dia hanya akan ikut serta bila mempunyai uang lebih. Ada pula yang berkomentar bahwa dia mau bergabung tapi tidak akan menyeret orang lain untuk masuk karena dia tidak ingin menjerumuskan. Ada lagi pendapat lain yang berbicara tentang hitungan permainan uang yang tidak realistis sehingga tidak masuk akal baginya untuk berinvestasi. 

Pada akhirnya, ketika uang yang tidak sedikit jumlahnya itu dipertaruhkan, tabiat manusia pun terlihat, entah itu serakah atau takut. Mereka yang cerdas bisa memetik hasil, namun saya rasa tidak sedikit jumlah orang yang menyesal karena telah salah langkah dalam permainan uang. Di satu sisi, banyak yang takut untuk terlibat dan dengan demikian terselamatkan secara tidak langsung. Ada juga yang sepenuhnya sadar bahwa permainan uang ini bukanlah untuk mereka. Yang seperti ini patut diacungi jempol karena kemampuannya dalam menahan diri.  

Bagi saya pribadi, saya sebenarnya terkejut ketika ditanya apakah saya juga turut bermain MIA atau GCG, apalagi yang bertanya adalah teman dekat. Saya katakan padanya bahwa saya tidak ikut. Alasannya sederhana saja. Angka selalu membuat saya gelisah. Deretan angka seperti nomor rekening bank saja cukup untuk membuat saya untuk memeriksa dan memastikan berulang kali secara teliti namun lamban, jadi saya jelas tidak akan bisa menangani yang cepat dan beresiko tinggi seperti ini. Saya rasa saya tidak cukup pintar untuk mencoba peruntungan di permainan uang sehingga sebaiknya saya tidak menyentuhnya. Di dalam hidup ini, saya lebih memilih untuk tidak memusingkan hal-hal seperti ini. Di kala luang, saya cenderung lebih suka mengerjakan hobi saya, misalnya menulis, haha... 

The Man In Seat 61

In a blog post called Ticket to Ride, I did mention that travelling by train is my favourite mode of transport. I like the views, alright, but most importantly I like the fact that it's planted firmly on the solid ground, speeding through railway track that was carefully laid out from where we start to our destination. Compared with aeroplane or ship (a big, heavy piece of metal flying in the sky or floating above the water), the train ride is supposed to be the safest way to travel. Having said that, if things still go wrong, then it must be the act of God, haha.

My first ride, I believe, was from Jakarta to Bandung. My shortest ride was the five minutes trip from Singapore to Johor Bahru. The longest ride so far was the overnight train from Vientiane to Bangkok. The most impressive ride would be from Nagasaki to Fukuoka. The kamome train was so cool! But what would be the ultimate ride, the one that I dreamed the most?

In order to answer that, let's go back to how it all started. The first ride I had was pretty much organised by my friend Soedjoko and everything was taken care of. The first time I ever purchased the tickets myself was in Nanning, when Nuryani and I intended to go to Guilin by railways. It was a year later, in 2010, that I really planned for a train ride as part of the trip (it was the Laos-Thailand journey that I mentioned above).

It was during the research that I stumbled upon seat61.com. It's owned by Mark Smith, the man in seat 61 (that's his favourite seat). The information was quite comprehensive and, after I did the trip, I could confirm that it was accurate, too. Since then, I'd visit the website from time to time just for the sake of reading it. That's when I learnt about the Trans-Siberian Railway and its siblings, Trans-Mongolian and Trans-Manchurian. It was like the granddaddy of all train rides! So old, so mysterious. Imagine travelling from Moscow to Vladivostok, making our way through cities such as Ulaanbaatar and Beijing! Definitely a must try!

But all this paled in comparison with the revelation that one could actually travel by train from Singapore to London! It never occurred to me before that it was possible! However, after looking at the routes described on seat61.com, the world suddenly looked much smaller and connected. I might have to improvise a bit here and there to suit my need, but it was certainly doable. I couldn't help thinking that I should do it one day.

If I could make it happen, I would travel from Singapore to Malaysia, Thailand and Vietnam. I reckon I would enter China by crossing from Hanoi to Nanning. Then I could go to Kunming, passing by Shangri-La before reaching Urumqi in Xinjiang. From there, I'd go to Kazakhstan in the west, then crossed the Caspian Sea to to reach Azerbaijan before continuing to Georgia. Things would probably get tricky in Crimean Peninsula (it was a disputed region since it was annexed by Russia), but once I arrived in Ukraine, the ride should be smoother by a lot. I'd make my way to Poland, then Germany and France. The last leg would be from Paris to London by Eurostar.

In my mind, it was a leisure and spontaneous trip. I'd travel lightly by just bringing the basic necessities and credit cards. Despite the initial plan above, I also liked the idea about making some last-minute changes that brought me to somewhere else. I'd stay in one city for one or two days, enjoying life down there before departing to the next city. Only God knows how long it would take, but it would be real fun. The only problem would be the visa application required for Indonesia passport. That would be a nightmare! The trip would be much easier with a Singapore passport or its equivalent. I should get myself one of those!

With Benny at Thanaleng Station in Vientiane.

Pria Di Kursi Nomor 61

Di artikel blog yang berjudul Ticket to Ride, saya pernah bercerita sedikit bahwa kereta api adalah sarana transportasi favorit saya dalam berkelana. Saya menyukai pemandangan di luar jendela, tapi yang lebih saya sukai lagi adalah fakta bahwa kereta api berada kokoh di atas permukaan tanah, melaju di atas rel yang telah tersusun rapi dari stasiun tempat kita berangkat hingga ke tempat tujuan. Bila kita bandingkan dengan pesawat atau kapal yang tak ubahnya seperti besi baja yang melayang di udara atau mengapung di atas air, boleh dikatakan bahwa kereta adalah metode transportasi paling aman. Kalau ternyata memang masih celaka juga, apa boleh buat, namanya juga takdir, haha.

Saya pertama kali menaiki kereta sekitar 14 tahun yang lalu, ketika saya berangkat dari Jakarta ke Bandung bersama Parno dan kawan-kawan. Durasi yang paling singkat dalam menaiki kereta api adalah lima menit, dari Singapura ke Johor Bahru. Sejauh ini yang paling lama adalah kereta yang berangkat dari sore hingga pagi berikutnya, dari Vientiane ke Bangkok. Yang paling menakjubkan keretanya adalah jurusan Nagasaki ke Fukuoka. Dinding kaca kereta kamome bisa buram dan transparan secara otomatis! Akan tetapi apa sebenarnya perjalanan kereta yang paling saya impikan? 

Untuk menjawab pertanyaan ini, kita harus kembali lagi ke asal-mula kegemaran saya dalam menaiki kereta. Perjalanan pertama saya di stasiun Gambir itu sudah diatur semuanya oleh teman saya Soedjoko, jadi pertama kalinya saya membeli tiket sendiri itu sebenarnya pada saat saya berada di Nanning, ketika saya dan Nuryani hendak berangkat ke Guilin dengan kereta. Di tahun berikutnya, tahun 2010, barulah saya merencanakan perjalanan kereta api sebagai bagian dari liburan Laos dan Thailand yang saya sebutkan di paragraf sebelumnya. 

Saat sedang mencari info di internet, saya menemukan situs bernama seat61.com. Pemiliknya adalah Mark Smith, pria di kursi nomor 61, kursi favoritnya di kereta Eurostar. Situsnya sangat detil dan setelah saya jalani, saya bisa jamin keakuratan informasinya. Sejak itu, terkadang saya mengunjungi situs ini di kala senggang untuk membaca. Dari sinilah saya mengetahui tentang Trans-Siberian dan dua rute lainnya, Trans-Mongolian and Trans-Manchurian. Kereta ini bagaikan sesepuh dari berbagai kereta terkenal lainnya, begitu tua dan serasa penuh misteri pula. Bayangkan jika bisa menempuh perjalanan dari Moskow ke Vladivostok dan melewati kota-kota seperti Ulanbator dan Beijing! Tentunya layak dicoba! 

Akan tetapi daya tarik ini pun pudar saat saya menyadari bahwa kita sebenarnya bisa menaiki kereta dari Singapura ke London! Ini adalah sesuatu yang tidak pernah terpikirkan oleh saya sebelumnya. Setelah saya liat rute-rute yang ada di seat61.com, dunia tiba-tiba terlihat lebih kecil dan terhubung. Saya mungkin perlu melakukan sedikit perubahan di sana-sini untuk menyisipkan kota-kota yang hendak saya kunjungi, tapi perjalanan ke Inggris bukanlah hal yang mustahil. Saya jadi tertarik untuk berkelana suatu hari nanti. 

Jika bisa terwujud, saya akan menyusuri Asia Tenggara dengan melewati Malaysia, Thailand and Vietnam. Selanjutnya saya akan memasuki Cina dengan cara menyeberang dari Hanoi to Nanning. Dari Provinsi Guangxi, saya bisa ke Kunming di Yunnan, mampir sejenak di Shangri-La sebelum meneruskan perjalanan ke Urumqi di Xinjiang. Dari situ, saya bisa ke Kazakhstan yang berada di sebelah barat Cina, lalu menyeberangi Laut Kaspia dan tiba di Azerbaijan. Georgia menjadi pemberhentian berikutnya sebelum saya memasuki Semenanjung Krim, daerah sengketa yang diklaim sebagai milik Rusia. Setibanya saya di Ukraina, perjalanan akan menjadi lebih mudah. Saya bisa lanjut ke Polandia, Jerman dan akhirnya tiba di Perancis. Paris akan menjadi kota terakhir yang saya kunjungi sebelum saya menaiki Eurostar ke London.  

Di benak saya, perjalanan ini harusnya santai dan spontan. Saya akan bertualang tanpa banyak bawaan, yang penting ada kartu kredit. Mungkin terkadang ada juga perubahan mendadak yang disesuaikan dengan situasi dan kondisi, sehingga saya pun menuju ke suatu tempat yang berbeda dari tujuan semula. Saya bisa tinggal sehari atau dua hari di suatu kota, menikmati kehidupan di sana, sebelum melanjutkan perjalanan ke kota lain. Entah berapa lama perjalanan dari Singapura ke London ini akan memakan waktu, tapi yang jelas rasanya seru. Kendala satu-satunya adalah urusan visa negara-negara lain bila saya memakai paspor Indonesia. Ini akan repot sekali! Akan lebih mudah jika bepergian dengan paspor Singapura atau yang setara dengannya. Saya mungkin harus dapatkan yang seperti itu!