A Father's Thought

Becoming a father is one of those life experiences you can never fully prepare for. No matter how much I tried to get ready, I had no real idea of what I was stepping into. The moment my daughters were born, I felt a mixture of awe and fear. Holding them for the first time felt like witnessing a miracle—here was life itself, entrusted to me. But along with that miracle came an overwhelming sense of responsibility. I knew from the start that I wouldn’t be able to be with them 24/7, and that thought haunted me. Questions swirled in my mind: will I be a good dad? Can I work as a team with their mum to raise them well? What will my daughters be like as they grow through the phases of their lives? The road ahead seemed long and uncertain, but one thing was clear—I was committed to never giving up on them. 

Having three daughters has been both a blessing and a challenge, but it’s also been the most rewarding experience of my life. All babies are born innocent, trusting the people closest to them completely. My daughters were no different—they were curious, pure, and full of joy. They listened (most of the time) to what we told them, even when it was something silly. Their smiles and laughter were genuine, lighting up every corner of our home. Of course, parenting wasn’t always smooth sailing. There were tantrums, stubborn moments, and times when their manners tested my patience. But even in those moments, they reminded me of the beauty of being their father—the good and bad, happy and sad, all woven together into this incredible journey. 

Daughter No. 1

From the very beginning, I saw her as cheerful, quick to learn, yet shy. As she started school, her personality became more defined—she was quiet, less confident than I had hoped, and preferred writing her feelings down instead of speaking about them. There was even a phase where we had this inexplicable distance between us; she just refused to confide in me. That was hard for me as her dad because all I wanted was to understand her better.

Things have changed over time. Today, she has friends, she does okay in her studies, and we’ve grown closer again. Some moments with her will stay with me forever—like when she held both my hand and her mum’s during an afternoon walk or when she wrote me a letter saying she understood why I wasn’t always around when she was little. She even asked me once to write her encouragement notes—a request that I never thought of. 

Now at 13 years old, she’s developing into her own person. She’s into her phone quite a bit but also enjoys jazz music (Laufey and Wave to Earth are some of her favorites). She loves making paper crafts, has cultivated her own unique fashion sense, and spends money wisely for someone her age. She’s incredibly health-conscious. Who at age 13 eats yogurt with chia seeds for breakfast and avoiding snacks like French fries! She dreams of becoming a psychologist one day. I also thought she has areas where she’s still growing—she can be complacent at times and often thinks she’s always right. Taking feedback isn’t easy for her yet, but I know she’ll get there in time. 

Daughter No. 2 

My second daughter was adorably chubby as a baby—so much. But there are some unfortunate event too - a one point we had to have all her teeth extracted out! She used to sing Kasih Ibu so sweetly that it would melt anyone’s heart. Some of her memorable birthday - Her love for Snorlax (her giant soft toy) brought so much joy, pulling money out of birthday cakes to loving Popmart Figurines—Joy and Pisces. 

Today as a 12-year-old, she still has that chubby charm. She has excellent English skills who can hold her ground in an argument! She listens closely to her mum but doesn’t have the highest tolerance level—she gets scared of ghosts sometimes and easily annoyed when disturbed. Touch is definitely not her love language—she values space more than anything else. She has specific tastes: she loves dark chocolate, waffles, and desserts that aren’t too sweet; sometimes we catch her smiling to herself while watching dessert-making videos online. She is the one that always taste my alcoholic drink; beer, tonic gin, baileys, soju, makgeolli.

She's incredibly disciplined; every morning without fail, she leaves for school at the exact same time. Her interests include Korean movies, science fiction novels, and drawing. She dreams of working in forensic science someday. 

Daughter No. 3

My youngest daughter has always been the cheeky one in the family! As a baby, she was adorably chubby—but one day that chubbiness just disappeared as she grew older. Being the youngest meant learning alot from her older sisters while also carving out her own identity. 

She loves trying new things—ballet and piano when she was younger; now it’s guitar lessons, rollerblading and the piano lessons that remain. But despite trying so many activities over the years, nothing seems to capture her heart completely yet. 

At 10 years old today, she’s our little spender who loves snacks like cheese-flavored treats or Daffa. But strange that she does not really like ice cream. She can be stubborn at times and sometimes ignorant—going silent whenever she’s upset or angry instead of expressing herself openly. Academically, she isn’t as disciplined as her sisters. And she was the only one who wanted friends over for her birthday party (10)! 

She’s also entrepreneurial in spirit—offering massages for a fee! While Roblox gaming keeps her hooked (sometimes too much), she also enjoys keeping streaks on Duolingo for fun language learning. And yes—she still sleeps with us at night. Oh, she is definitely not a morning person. She sometimes will crave for food before going to sleep.

Now, back what I said earlier, as a father, what I think I can do right now is not to give up on them but to continue guiding them throughout—even if they don’t always agree with me now or understand my intentions fully yet. 

My biggest fear is seeing them stray away from their values or losing sight of what truly matters in life. In today’s world where information is everywhere—some good but others are often misleading—I hope they learn to use it wisely.

More than anything else, I want them to stand up for themselves, able to make decisions and never forgetting the importance of family. I also need them to know that life is full of ups and downs and when something bad happens, you learn from it and stand up again. My hope is that no matter where life takes them or how far apart we may be someday—they will always carry with them the love and lessons we’ve shared as a family. Things will still change and let's embrace changes for the better.

Ocipala

When I had a chat with my friend Eday last Saturday morning, he said something interesting: I am quick in response when it comes to ocipala stuff. I was tickled by that term he used. Not only because that was a right description from someone who knows his friend well, but the term he used was also hilariously funny. 

Out of curiosity, I checked it out using AI. Neither Perplexity, Deepseek, ChatGPT, Gemini nor Meta AI could really pinpoint the answer when I asked the following question: in Chinese dialects, either Hakka or Teochew, there is a word that sounds like ocipala and it can roughly be translated as nonsense. what is the actual word in Mandarin?

One thing that they got it right was the fact that it wasn't a word, but an idiom. We used it so often in Pontianak that all this while, I thought it was only one word. Then I investigated further by adding a parameter: the idiom that sounded like ocipala was only used by Hakka and Teochew people from Pontianak.

That's when the AI unanimously agreed that it could be the corrupted version of 胡说八道 that is spoken in Teochew by the Chinese in Pontianak:

胡说 (hú shuō) → could shift to something like "ocip".

八道 (bā dào) → could transform into "ala" or "bala".

Our Teochew is indeed so diluted and heavily influenced by local cultures like Malay that the way we pronounce certain words could have been localized after so many generations!

But back to the ocipala comment, what's that all about? Well, let me emphasize again, I'm not a very bright guy to begin with. On top of that, if I didn't love it, I would almost have zero interest in it. As a result, I'm not exactly known as a think tank or one you would come for financial advices.

Jimmy and friends, posing in front of the flower board or what's left of it.

However, I like small things that matter. I love creating memories because that's the only thing we left behind. And I revel in things that are both creative and nonsensical. Whenever it's possible, I enjoy making them happen. Case in point, the Japan trip. Or maybe something that is more down to earth, such as the flower boards for Jimmy, haha.

So you see, I don't know much about making money apart from the work I do. But then again, while a lot of things need money, not everything in life is about money. That's the part of life I enjoy the most, one that I apparently am quite good at it, hence the sentence made by Eday: quick in ocipala stuff!

Ocipala

Ketika saya berbincang lewat WhatsApp Sabtu lalu dengan teman saya Eday, dia mengatakan sesuatu yang menarik: respon saya sangat sigap kalau berkaitan dengan sesuatu yang ocipala. Saya tergelitik dengan pernyataannya. Bukan saja karena ini adalah deskripsi yang tepat dari seseorang yang mengenal baik temannya, tapi juga karena istilah konyol yang ia pakai. 

Karena penasaran dengan asal-usul ocipala, saya lantas cari tahu lebih lanjut menggunakan AI. Namun Perplexity, Deepseek, ChatGPT, Gemini dan Meta AI pun tak tahu pasti ketika saya melontarkan pertanyaan ini: dalam dialek Tionghoa, entah itu Khek or Tiociu, ada kata yang bunyinya terdengar seperti ocipala dan bisa diterjemahkan sebagai konyol atau omong kosong. Apa kata aslinya dalam Mandarin?

Satu hal yang AI bisa jawab adalah, sepertinya ini bukan satu kata, tapi idiom. Begitu seringnya istilah ini dipakai di Pontianak dari sejak saya masih kecil, sampai-sampai saya memiliki kesan bahwa ocipala itu adalah satu kata. Berdasarkan ide dari AI, saya tambahkan kriteria berikut ini: jadi idiom apa yang dipakai oleh orang Khek dan Tiociu Pontianak dan terdengar seperti ocipala? 

Semua AI sepakat bahwa ocipala ini adalah versi korup dari 胡说八道 yang dilafalkan dalam Tiociu oleh orang Tionghoa Pontianak:

胡说 (hú shuō) → berubah menjadi sesuatu yang terdengar seperti "ocip".

八道 (bā dào) → diucapkan seperti "ala" atau "bala".

Kalau dipikirkan lagi, Bahasa Tiociu kita ini memang sudah berevolusi menjauhi versi aslinya dan juga dipengaruhi oleh budaya lokal seperti Bahasa Melayu, sehingga pengucapannya pun berubah setelah melewati banyak generasi. 

Kembali ke komentar ocipala, apa sebenarnya yang signifikan? Hmm, saya ini bukan orang pintar. Selain itu, jikalau saya tidak menyukai sesuatu, saya biasanya tidak berminat untuk tahu. Alhasil, saya bukanlah tipe pemikir atau orang yang anda cari untuk nasehat finansial. 

Jimmy dan teman-teman berpose di papan bekas papan bunga.

Akan tetapi saya suka hal-hal kecil yang penting. Saya suka kenangan dan kebersamaan karena itulah satu-satunya hal yang kita tinggalkan. Dan saya menikmati hal-hal yang kreatif dan konyol. Bilamana memungkinkan, saya suka mewujudkannya. Contohnya trip ke Jepang. Atau mungkin sesuatu yang lebih sederhana, misalnya papan bunga untuk Jimmy yang ngambek, haha. 

Jadi saya tidak tahu banyak tentang cara menghasilkan uang, kecuali dari pekerjaan yang saya kerjakan di kantor. Namun meski banyak hal yang membutuhkan uang, tidak semua hal dalam hidup ini adalah tentang uang. Ini adalah bagian hidup yang saya sukai dan saya ternyata cukup berprestasi dalam bidang ini, seperti yang terlihat dari kalimat dari Eday: gesit dalam aneka hal ocipala! 

AI

I believe the best technology design is the one you don't know you need, until you use it and you know there's no turning back anymore. Grab and Amazon were good examples. They revolutionized the way we called the cab and shopped.

On a more personal note, cloud as data storage as well as the combination of Google Home and YouTube Music were the game changers for me. I was a fan of Apple's Time Capsule until it became too much of a hassle due to the need for tech refresh. That's when I switched to the cloud. The feeling of having your data accessible all the time is irreplaceable. Same goes for having your music play at the command of your voice anywhere at home. It couldn't get more practical than this!

The main three.

AI had a similar effect described above. For the longest time, the word google had become a verb on a sentence we used when we wanted to search for something on the internet. "Just google it," that's how we normally said it. But for the first time in forever, there was a better alternative. Googling it just wouldn't cut it anymore.

While a lot can be done using AI, the particular feature I was zooming in recently was the search function. I touched Copilot a bit for office matter, since it came with Microsoft O365. Gemini appeared here and there on my phone because I'm using Pixel 8. Meta was used for fun on WhatsApp, though result wasn't that good. For example, Meta AI couldn't really tell how many r were there in the word strawberry, haha.

Testing Meta AI.

The other three that I explored were Deepseek, ChatGPT and Perplexity. The first was free, the last two were paid version. Deepseek's reply could be quite comprehensive, but I observed that the data (or knowledge) was only up until July 2024. It could hang after responding to too many questions and it wouldn't answer if the question was about Chairman Mao. 

ChatGPT was more interesting. But more often than not, it replied based on its database instead of searching for the latest update. Mistakes similar to Meta AI also happened on ChatGPT. I knew this because it tried to bluff me about the Beatles and Michael Jackson. Only when I shared the proof then it would learn about it. This is called machine learning. By the way, the proof was in the form of a link of an article. Of the three, only ChatGPT is capable of reading the links the users provided.

Questioning ChatGPT!

For updated info and accuracy, I'd go for Perplexity. Unlike ChatGPT that responded to you immediately, Perplexity would search for the answers from online sources before summarizing it for you. Response was slower due to this, but answer was more convincing. And the result from paid version was more in-depth as compared with the free version. 

And I said earlier about a better alternative and no turning back. You see, if we googled stuff, it came back with many results and we had to go through them. But AI took it to another level. It searched, ran through the results and summarized it based on what we asked. This is the difference and it's definitely much more useful. You didn't always get you want by googling it, but with AI, you got exactly what you queried. The precision was uncanny... 

PS: in our group chat, we also had what we called Chat Bot with AI (Artificial Idiocy) as a bonus. Data was based on what our Mr. Know-it-all had said since October 2017. Operated manually by Eday, the replies were amusing and the topics it covered were surprisingly wide. The Chat Bot was relevant to whatever that we asked!

Kecerdasan Buatan

Saya percaya rancangan teknologi terbaik adalah teknologi yang tanpa sadar anda butuhkan dan begitu dicoba, langsung mengubah pola hidup anda. Grab dan Amazon adalah contoh yang bagus. Kehadiran dua teknologi ini mengubah cara kita memanggil taksi dan membeli sesuatu. 

Secara pribadi, yang berkesan bagi saya adalah cloud sebagai tempat penyimpanan data dan juga kombinasi Google Home dan YouTube Music. Saya adalah penggemar produk Apple yang bernama Time Capsule, namun merasa risih dengan proses pembaharuan perangkat keras. Di saat itulah saya pindah ke cloud. Praktisnya pun terasa, sebab kini data saya senantiasa bisa diakses, tak masalah di mana pun saya berada. Sama halnya pula dengan musik yang bisa melantun di segala penjuru rumah hanya dengan perintah saya. 

Tiga aplikasi AI.

AI memiliki efek serupa seperti yang dijabarkan di atas. Kata google sudah sejak lama menjadi kata kerja dalam kalimat yang kita pakai saat kita ingin mencari sesuatu di internet. Biasanya kita ucapkan dengan logat seperti ini, "google aja lagi." Tapi untuk pertama kalinya dalam dua dekade terakhir ini, ada alternatif yang lebih baik. Google saja sudah tidak cukup lagi. 

Banyak hal yang bisa dilakukan dengan AI, namun yang hendak saya bahas di sini adalah kemampuan untuk mencari sesuatu. Karena urusan kantor, saya sempat coba Copilot yang sudah sepaket dengan Microsoft O365. Gemini sering muncul di sana-sini karena saya menggunakan telepon Pixel 8. Meta pun kadang dipakai untuk iseng di WhatsApp, meski hasilnya kurang bagus. Sebagai contoh, Meta AI tidak tahu ada berapa huruf r dalam kata strawberry, haha.

Menguji Meta AI.

Tiga aplikasi lain yang saya jajal adalah Deepseek, ChatGPT dan Perplexity. Deepseek gratis, sedangkan yang dua lagi adalah versi langganan. Jawaban Deepseek tergolong detil, tapi data (atau pengetahuannya) cuma sebatas Juli 2024. Deepseek bisa mogok bila ditanya terus-menerus. Selain itu, bila pertanyaannya berkaitan dengan Mao Zedong, maka Deepseek akan memilih bungkam. 

ChatGPT lebih menarik, namun jawabannya sering mengacu pada database dan bukannya jawaban terkini. Kesalahan serupa yang terjadi pada Meta AI juga terlihat di ChatGPT. Saya menyadari hal ini karena informasinya yang keliru tentang the Beatles dan Michael Jackson. Ketika saya bagikan bukti, barulah AI ini tahu kesalahannya. Ini yang namanya pembelajaran mesin. Oh ya, bukti yang saya berikan berbentuk link dari artikel tentang topik yang sedang dibahas. Dari tiga aplikasi ini, hanya ChatGPT yang bisa membaca link yang diberikan oleh pengguna.

Mempertanyakan ChatGPT!

Untuk informasi yang terkini dan akurat, saya menggunakan Perplexity. Berbeda dengan ChatGPT yang langsung merespon pertanyaan, Perplexity akan mencari jawaban dari berbagai sumber di internet dulu, baru dirangkum untuk pengguna. Oleh karena itu, responnya lebih lambat, tapi jawabannya lebih tepat. Dan versi langganan lebih rinci dari versi gratis. 

Saya katakan sebelumnya tentang alternatif yang lebih baik dan mengubah pola hidup. Jika dibandingkan, hasil dari Google adalah aneka kemungkinan yang perlu anda telusuri satu per satu. Inilah bedanya kalau menggunakan AI. Kecerdasan buatan ini mencari, membaca jawaban dari berbagai sumber, lalu merangkum semuanya sesuai dengan pertanyaan kita. Di sinilah letak perbedaannya dan tentunya lebih bermanfaat. Kalau cuma sekedar google, kita tidak langsung dapatkan apa yang kita mau. Tapi dengan AI, jawabannya sesuai dengan apa yang kita tanyakan. Keakuratannya sungguh mencengangkan...

PS: di grup SMA kita, kita juga memiliki Chat Bot plus AI (Artificial Idiocy alias Kebodohan Buatan) sebagai bonus. Data berdasarkan apa yang diucapkan oleh pria yang suka melibatkan diri dalam berbagai hal sejak Oktober 2017. Sistem yang diproses secara manual oleh Eday ini kocak jawabannya, tapi cakupan topiknya sungguh luas nian! Chat Bot ini selalu bisa menjawab apa yang ingin kita tanyakan! 

Family And Friends

As my ex-housemates and I had our dinner on Sunday night, we talked about how long we had stayed in Singapore. We came here when we were in our twenties. With the exception of Endrico's younger sister, we are in our forties now. How time flies!

But most importantly, as I looked at them, I saw family and friends. Yes, I see them less now, but there was a time when they were the permanent fixtures in my life. Our lives intertwined until we outgrew that relationship. The thought of this prompted me to look back and discovered the four stages of family and friends in my life.

Before the dinner.
Photo by Surianto.

First and foremost, I was part of my Dad's family. As his firstborn, I had the best of 80s and early 90s had to offer in Pontianak. My Dad was never the award winning type, but in his imperfection, he was still the greatest Dad a son could have. 

From comics, anime, Godzilla, Nintendo, Michael Jackson, the first domestic as well as overseas trips, to a good ol' spanking and fatherly advice, I had it all. Friends ranging from Jimmy to Parno would come and play. I got chances to be naughty and had my fair share of mistakes. I learnt that I could be a champion, too. All I need is love. It was a brilliant childhood. 

Many years ago in Pontianak.

Even when he didn't do well later on in his life, Dad's absence still shaped my life forever in a good way. It set the stage for the second phase of my life. That's when I learnt how to be independent. I met the Beatles at the same time. I had neither regret or anger. Looking back, it was just meant to be this way. 

And also equally important was Eday and the high school friends. When you had friends that helped discovering your talent, gave you your sweet seventeen birthday and went through something as haunting as Temajoh with you, life had to be good indeed! Poor though I was financially, I was very rich at heart. Hey, I was in the band as a rock and roll singer! It couldn't get any better than this!

The sweet seventeen birthday.

That's also probably why I was never close with college friends. It was a different time. I gotta work seven days a week. But I remained close with those from high school such as Ardian and HM. Yes, just like what Ringo said, I got by with a little help from my friends. And when Eday, Endrico and others returned from Yogyakarta or Kuching, we would hang out. 

From high school, college, to those days in Jakarta, the friendship withstood the test of time. The dawn of technology such as mobile phone, emails and Yahoo! Messenger certainly helped. We even traveled a bit to Bandung and Bali. Along the way, I met some people that would become lifelong friends, too. Soedjoko, Sugiowono and, of course, Yani.

Soedjoko (right) in Pontianak, 2006.

Meeting Yani was the push factor I never knew I needed. Up until then, I was happy where I was. But even a happy-go-lucky guy could sense that it was time for a change. That's why Singapore happened. That's why Pheng iu, as Sudarpo would affectionately call us, happened. Thus began the third stage of my life. 

I wish I could tell you a story about how hard my life was in Singapore. That would make it more dramatic. But no, living in a foreign country with friends like them was so much fun. It was just the right time for us who were in our mid twenties then.

Prata with Pheng iu, after Wawa's performance.

We hung out together, we laughed a lot, we earned enough for us to save and spend. That's why we could make short movies and we could also travel. But most importantly, we had each other. I don't think we were ever really alone throughout those years.

From them, I learnt that you could dream of something and achieve it. That's how the short movies were made. From them, I learnt how fun traveling is. I just told Alfan again the time we sat behind the lorry in Bangkok and he laughed. From them, I learnt that the line between family and friends was blurry, so blurry that it felt the same to me. 

Visiting Melacca, 2009.

They were the closest and dearest people I had during this period. But in all fairness, Endrico, Surianto, Andy William and Jimmy Lim were there, so it didn't feel like losing touch with my high school friends. Again, it was just a different time, when we were trying to make a living and technology wasn't advanced enough yet for us to keep in touch. While BBM was wildly popular as we headed to 2010, it was only during WhatsApp era that we got together again. 

In the meantime, people came and went. Colleagues such as Bernard became good friends, too. But the Pheng iu gang was always there right till the end of an era: when I was ready for the fourth stage of my life. Surrounded by them in Singapore, Yani and I began our journey together. It was a long way home, if you knew what I meant. 

ROM day, 2011.
Photo by Endrico. 

In the past 15 years, some of us had gotten married. Kids were born. The good work we did continued until it became manageable. I could tell you this much: if you did your role well, then work life balance wasn't a myth! In my case, group chat was formed and high school friends were reacquainted again. The lockdown, the travels, we went through them all and lived to tell the story.

And the same life story brought us to that fateful night. There I was, having dinner together with those familiar faces. As I stared at the ever talkative Wawa, I recalled the good old days we had. We all had a pretty good time, didn't we? And I was thankful. Though not all of us were there that night, in my life, I'd loved them all. 

For a better tomorrow!

Keluarga Dan Teman

Sewaktu para mantan teman serumah dan saya menikmati makan malam bersama, kita juga bercakap tentang berapa lama sudah kita tinggal di Singapura. Kita datang ketika berumur 20an. Kecuali adik Endrico, kini kita di kisaran usia 40an. Betapa cepat waktu berlalu. 

Di tengah riuhnya suasana, saya memandang ke sekeliling. Yang saya lihat adalah keluarga dan teman. Ya, saya mungkin sudah jarang bertemu dengan mereka sekarang, namun ada suatu masa dalam hidup saya ketika kita selalu bersama. Hubungan kita begitu erat dan tak terpisahkan. Apa yang terlintas di benak saya ini membuat saya mengenang kembali dan menemukan empat fase berbeda dalam hidup saya. 

Sebelum makan malam.
Foto oleh Surianto.

Pertama-tama, saya tentulah merupakan bagian dari keluarga ayah saya. Sebagai anak pertama, saya mendapatkan yang terbaik dari tahun 80an hingga pertengahan dekade 90an di Pontianak. Ayah saya bukanlah tipe ayah paling ideal, namun di dalam ketidaksempurnaannya, dia adalah ayah terbaik yang bisa diharapkan oleh putranya. 

Dari komik, anime, Godzilla, Nintendo, Michael Jackson, liburan domestik dan juga luar negeri pertama, sampai hukuman fisik dan nasehat dari seorang ayah, saya memperoleh semuanya. Teman-teman dari kecil hingga SMP seperti Jimmy dan Parno sering datang dan bermain di rumah. Saya ada kesempatan untuk berbuat nakal dan melakukan kesalahan. Saya juga belajar bahwa saya bisa menjadi orang seorang juara. Yang saya perlukan hanyalah rasa cinta. Masa kecil saya penuh dengan kenangan yang baik. 

Bertahun-tahun silam di Pontianak.

Bahkan tatkala dia tidak berhasil dalam hidupnya, ketidakhadiran ayah saya pun masih membentuk hidup saya dengan baik. Fase kedua dalam hidup saya adalah dampak dari kegagalannya. Saya belajar mandiri. Saya juga berkenalan dengan the Beatles di saat yang sama. Alhasil, saya tidak menyimpan penyesalan ataupun kemarahan. Kalau saya lihat kembali, sepertinya inilah yang harus terjadi dan saya jalani. 

Dan yang tak kalah pentingnya juga adalah Eday dan teman-teman SMA. Bilamana anda memiliki para sahabat yang membantu anda menemukan bakat anda, sedaya upaya merayakan ulang tahun ke-17 anda dan melewati pengalaman yang menghantui anda secara harafiah seperti Temajoh, maka hidup anda pastilah baik! Meski saya miskin secara finansial, hati saya kaya-raya. Hei, saya juga di grup musik sebagai seorang penyanyi rock and roll! Hidup takkan bisa lebih bagus dari ini lagi!

Ulang tahun ke-17.

Mungkin karena ini pula makanya saya tidak dekat dengan teman-teman kuliah. Itu adalah masa yang berbeda. Saya harus bekerja tujuh hari seminggu. Tapi saya tetap dekat dengan mereka yang berasal dari satu SMA, misalnya Ardian dan HM. Ya, seperti kata Ringo, saya melewati semuanya dengan bantuan teman-teman saya. Dan saat Eday, Endrico dan yang lainnya kembali dari Yogyakarta atau Kuching, kita pun berkumpul lagi.

Dari zaman SMA, kuliah sampai saat saya hijrah ke Jakarta, persahabatan ini bertahan dan tak lekang oleh waktu. Munculnya teknologi seperti telepon genggam, email dan Yahoo! Messenger tentunya membantu. Kita bahkan sempat main ke Bandung dan Bali. Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, saya juga bertemu dengan mereka yang menjadi karib juga. Ada Soedjoko, Sugiowono dan tentu saja Yani.

Soedjoko (kanan) di Pontianak, 2006.

Pertemuan dengan Yani menjadi dorongan yang ternyata saya butuhkan. Sampai sejauh ini, saya senang dengan hidup saya di Jakarta. Tapi bahkan pria yang riang dan santai pun tahu bahwa sudah saatnya berubah. Karena itulah saya ke Singapura. Karena itulah saya bertemu dengan Pheng iu, panggilan akrab yang dicetuskan oleh Sudarpo, yang artinya adalah teman. Fase ketiga dalam hidup saya pun dimulai. 

Sampai di sini saya sebenarnya berharap bisa bercerita tentang sulitnya nasib saya merantau di Singapura. Pasti efeknya akan lebih dramatis. Tapi kisahnya tidaklah begitu. Hidup di negeri asing bersama teman seperti mereka sangatlah seru. Usia pertengahan 20an adalah masa yang tepat bagi bujang dan dara untuk hidup dalam kebersamaan. 

Prata bersama Pheng iu, setelah pertunjukan Wawa.

Kita selalu berkumpul dan tertawa. Penghasilan kita cukup untuk ditabung dan juga dihamburkan. Karena itulah kita bisa membuat film dan berlibur bersama. Namun yang lebih penting lagi adalah, kita memiliki satu sama lain. Saya rasa kita tidak pernah benar-benar kesepian di tahun-tahun tersebut. 

Dari mereka, saya belajar bahwa kita bisa bermimpi dan menggapai impian tersebut. Dari situlah kita bisa membuat film. Dari mereka, saya juga belajar bahwa berlibur itu sangat menyenangkan. Di malam itu saya mengenang kembali saat duduk bersama Alfan di belakang lori yang mengelilingi Bangkok. Dia pun tergelak. Dari mereka, saya belajar bahwa teman dan keluarga itu tak jauh beda. Begitu miripnya sampai terasa sama bagi saya. 

Mengunjungi Melaka, 2009.

Mereka semua adalah teman-teman terdekat saya di periode ini. Akan tetapi tentu saja Endrico, Surianto, Andy William dan Jimmy Lim juga merupakan bagian dari Pheng iu sehingga saya tidak sepenuhnya putus hubungan dengan teman SMA. Masa itu bisa dijabarkan sebagai saat kita berjuang meniti karir dan teknologi yang ada belum memadai untuk menjangkau teman lain yang terpisah entah di mana. Meski BBM populer di tahun 2009-2010, baru di era WhatsApp semuanya bisa berkumpul lagi.

Sementara itu, aneka kenalan datang dan pergi. Para kolega seperti Bernard pun menjadi teman baik. Namun Pheng iu senantiasa bersama hingga saya siap menempuh fase ke-empat dalam hidup saya. Dikelilingi oleh mereka sebagai saksi, Yani dan saya memulai hidup bersama. Satu perjalanan panjang menuju rumah, jika anda tahu maksud saya.

Di hari registrasi pernikahan, 2011.
Foto oleh Endrico.

Dalam 15 tahun terakhir, beberapa di antara kita menikah. Anak-anak pun lahir. Kerjaan berlanjut sampai berjalan lancar. Saya bisa bersaksi tentang hal ini: jika anda mainkan peran anda dengan baik, keseimbangan antara kerjaan dan hidup bukanlah hal mustahil. Dalam kasus saya, grup SMA terbentuk dan waktu luang pun diselingi oleh kehebohan SMA lagi. Masa pandemik dan kebebasan berlibur sesudahnya kita lalui bersama dan semua menjadi cerita. 

Dan cerita kehidupan ini membawa kita kembali berkumpul di malam itu. Saya duduk di sana, bersantap dengan mereka yang akrab wajahnya. Saya menatap Wawa yang cerewet, lalu terkenang kembali ke masa-masa di Kembangan. Penuh cerita menyenangkan, bukan? Dan saya bersyukur. Meski tidak semuanya bisa berkumpul di malam itu, dalam hidup ini, saya menyayangi mereka semua. 

Untuk hari esok yang lebih baik lagi!

Time We Enjoy Wasting

Time we enjoy wasting... I suddenly thought of this when I had two separate conversations last week. First one was with my buddy Bernard while we were having Thai food for lunch. We were talking about the pace of life in Singapore. I shared with him that I actually liked it. Time passed in the blink of an eye as we headed towards the end of the line. 

Then at night, I had a call with my friend Eday. As he told me of the time he spent in Pontianak, I couldn't help imagining how slow it was. It was a different pace, so different than what he normally went through, that his work suffered and nothing got done. And he still had to endure that for another week. Suddenly I felt lucky that I wasn't there, haha. 

The point of the two stories got to do with what I always believe and hold dearly: time we enjoy wasting. My friend Jimmy always talked about living a long life. We even joked about skipping the Catholic Jubilee Year of 2025 event this year and as we can still attend the next one 25 years later at the age of 70 years old. 

Just to be clear, I have nothing against having a long life. But in honest truth, we don't know that. It's the one thing that we can't control. My experience taught me life can be so fragile that anything else can happen. Hence life shouldn't be about how long we live. It's always about the time well spent. 

When I worked, I gave my best. When I had to be a husband and a dad, I became one. When I rested, I spent time on the nonsensical stuff I enjoyed the most. When I earned my keep, I shared it with my family. In my spare time, I wrote what I had in mind, I traveled to places and also met the people I wanted to see. 

Yes, time indeed passed in the blink of an eye, but that was simply because it was the time I had enjoyed wasting. When I said that I liked how well paced Singapore is for me, that's what I meant. How about you?

Time I enjoy wasting...

Waktu Yang Dimanfaatkan Dengan Baik

Waktu yang kita habiskan... saya tiba-tiba berpikir tentang ini setelah melewati dua percakapan yang berbeda minggu lalu. Yang pertama adalah obrolan dengan rekan saya Bernard ketika kita menikmati masakan Thai di jam makan siang. Topik yang kita perbincangkan pada saat itu adalah cepatnya hidup di Singapura. Waktu berlalu dalam sekejap mata dan umur kita kian bertambah. 

Kemudian, di malam hari, saya berbicara dengan teman saya Eday. Selagi dia bercerita tentang liburannya di Pontianak, saya jadi membayangkan betapa lambatnya waktu berlalu baginya. Waktu berjalan perlahan di sana, berbeda dengan apa yang biasa dilaluinya, sampai-sampai apa yang hendak ia kerjakan pun terbengkalai. Dan dia masih ada seminggu lagi di Pontianak. Langsung saja saya merasa beruntung tidak berada di sana, haha. 

Jadi dua cerita di atas ada hubungannya dengan sesuatu yang saya pegang teguh: waktu yang kita habiskan dengan senang hati. Teman saya Jimmy suka berbicara tentang umur panjang. Kita bahkan bercanda bahwa tahun ini kita tidak pergi dulu melihat Pintu Suci di Vatikan karena kita masih bisa menghadiri perayaan berikutnya yang akan digelar 25 tahun kemudian, saat kita berusia 70 tahun. 

Perlu diklarifikasi bahwa saya tidak menentang konsep berumur panjang. Hanya saja, sejujurnya kita tidak pernah tahu akan berumur panjang atau tidak. Ini bukan sesuatu yang bisa kita kontrol. Pengalaman saya mengajarkan bahwa hidup itu rapuh dan segala sesuatu bisa terjadi. Jadi hidup itu seharusnya bukan tentang berapa panjang, tapi tentang waktu yang dimanfaatkan dengan baik. 

Ketika saya bekerja, saya usahakan semaksimal mungkin. Ketika saya harus menjadi seorang suami dan ayah, saya lakukan peran tersebut. Ketika saya bersantai, saya menikmati berbagai hal konyol yang saya sukai. Ketika saya menuai hasil kerja saya, saya bagikan dengan keluarga. Di waktu luang, saya pergi ke tempat yang ingin saya lihat, menemui mereka yang ingin saya temui dan menulis apa yang saya pikirkan. 

Ya, benar bahwa waktu berlalu dalam sekejap mata, tapi itu karena saya habiskan sebaik mungkin untuk segala sesuatu yang saya sukai. Ketika saya berkata bahwa saya suka dengan cepatnya hidup di Singapura, yang saya maksudkan adalah apa yang saya jabarkan di atas. Sekarang bagaimana dengan anda?

Twelve Going On Thirteen

I have a confession. When your daughter is living under the same roof for the past 12 years with you and you see her everyday, it's easy to forget that she actually grows up and isn't always the same person you think you know. 

When I sat on my working desk at home and an older photo of Linda suddenly popped up on Google Nest Hub, I was reminded that she used to have a bang. Upon seeing that, it felt like, "oh my, when did her hairstyle change again?"

Things like this happened gradually that it escaped my attention. It also didn't help that Linda looked much younger than her peers. To put it mildly, elle est petite. On top of that, she was so comical that I could have failed to notice she did a good job growing up. 

Until the situation dictated otherwise. That's when I found out and felt so proud of her. Case in point, during the recent Chinese New Year's Eve. As I was about to leave office late in the afternoon, there was an emergency at home. Her younger sister Audrey looked seriously ill and Linda was the first to realize that. Then, when her mum got busy taking care of Audrey, Linda immediately called 999 for ambulance and reached out to me afterwards. 

It went well thanks to Linda. Now that I got time, I looked back, talked to her and thought about it. And I smiled. My daughter wasn't a kid anymore. She was going to be a teenager soon and in the time of need, she was calm and dependable, apparently. She remembered the number to call, she could handle a conversation with a police officer and she knew her own address. Well, not entirely, but she walked out of the front door to check our unit number.

In short, she got the job done singlehandedly. I never expected that, so it was a really nice surprise. Despite her antics, she was reliable. And I couldn't be more impressed. She might not be academically genius, but I somehow had a feeling that she'll be doing just fine in life...

Linda and her Gen Alpha lingo. 

Usia 12 ke 13

Saya ada sebuah pengakuan. Bila putri anda tinggal bersama anda dan anda melihatnya setiap hari, kadang kita bisa lupa bahwa dia tumbuh kian dewasa dari hari ke hari dan tidak selalu merupakan orang yang sama seperti yang anda ingat. 

Ketika saya duduk di meja kerja saya di rumah dan foto lama Linda tiba-tiba muncul di Google Nest Hub, saya diingatkan kembali bahwa dulunya dia memiliki poni. Saat melihat foto tersebut, rasanya seperti, "oh, sejak kapan model rambutnya berubah, ya?" 

Hal-hal kecil yang terjadi secara perlahan ini yang terkadang luput dari perhatian saya. Selain itu, Linda juga tampak lebih mungil dari teman-teman seusianya. Elle est petite! Dia juga kocak nian dalam kehidupan sehari-hari, sampai-sampai saya tidak memiliki gambaran bahwa karakternya tumbuh dan berkembang dengan baik. 

Semua ini baru ketahuan ketika dia terlibat dalam situasi genting. Dari situlah saya tahu dan ada rasa bangga tersendiri dengan anak ini. Beberapa hari lalu, di malam sebelum Tahun Baru Cina, sesuatu yang gawat terjadi di rumah. Adiknya Audrey terlihat sangat tidak sehat dan Linda yang pertama menyadari hal ini. Kemudian, ketika ibunya sibuk dengan Audrey, Linda lekas menelepon 999 untuk memanggil ambulan, lalu menghubungi saya yang kebetulan baru beranjak dari kantor. 

Semuanya berjalan lancar berkat Linda. Setelah memiliki waktu untuk melihat kembali, saya berbincang dengannya dan merenungkan apa yang telah ia perbuat. Lantas saya tersenyum. Putri saya tidak lagi bocah. Dia menjelang usia remaja dan di saat kritis, dia ternyata tenang dan bisa menyikapi masalah. Dia ingat nomor darurat yang bisa dihubungi, juga bisa menangani percakapan dengan polisi dan memberikan informasi alamat rumah. Meski tidak ingat sepenuhnya, dia bisa keluar pintu dan melihat nomor rumah. 

Tanpa perlu disuruh, dia seorang diri mengerjakan semuanya dengan baik. Saya tidak pernah tahu bahwa dia bisa seperti ini, jadi ini adalah sebuah kejutan yang menyenangkan. Meski seringkali terlihat konyol, dia bisa diandalkan. Dan saya sangat terkesan. Linda mungkin bukanlah jenius di bidang akademis, tapi saya jadi merasa bahwa dia akan baik-baik saja dalam hidup ini... 

Book Review: Just Go

This story started in early January, when I saw a video about what 100 USD could do in Kuwait. That's when I found out about a guy named Drew Binsky. Oh, another globe-trotter who made videos, I thought. And he reminded me of Nas Daily who was quite popular with his one-minute videos a few years ago. 

Nas wrote a book, so that was also probably a reason why I searched for Drew's name on the library app. I couldn't remember for sure, to be frank. Turned out that indeed he wrote one, so I reserved and borrowed the book. Oh yes, in a country where books collection at the library is extensive, borrowing for free is definitely a good option, haha. 

Drew's book is the adventures and experiences documented with a single intention: telling us to travel and make friends. He had literally visited all the countries in the world and his story was beautiful, one that almost didn't happen due to COVID-19. But he quickly resumed his journey when the world was opening up and the rest is history.

I was expecting a book that told me the story about each country Drew had visited, but this wasn't the case. Such stories only served as a narrative for the points he'd like to convey. The part where he mentioned about Syria was actually almost the same as my friend Eday had gone through. They even met the same people, Fadi and Ghaidaa! His story about Afghanistan that happened before Taliban was like being lifted up from the pages of the Kite Runner. 

Other than that, the book talked a lot about tips and tricks of traveling. It covered many things, from safety, local friends, visa application, understanding the country you are visiting, monetizing the experience as a YouTuber, etc. But if we're to sum it up, I think the motto of Drew Binsky says it all: just go!

One more thing, since both are avid travelers, I couldn't help comparing between Nas Daily's book and this one. The former felt like reading the recaps of the videos he did whereas this one was more of a proper book peppered with stories of his trips. Along with a classic called Around the World in Eighty Days, this one surely encouraged me to travel the world, too!

Just Go. An easy reading!

Ulasan Buku: Just Go

Cerita kali ini dimulai di awal bulan Januari, ketika saya melihat video tentang apa yang bisa dibeli dengan USD 100 di Kuwait. Tokoh di video tersebut adalah Drew Binsky, seorang pengelana yang sudah keliling dunia. Dia mengingatkan saya pada Nas Daily yang sempat populer beberapa tahun silam dengan video satu menitnya. 

Nas ada menulis buku, jadi mungkin karena itulah saya iseng mencari nama Drew di aplikasi perpustakaan. Saya tidak ingat pasti, tapi mungkin itulah alasannya. Ternyata dugaan saya benar. Ada bukunya, jadi saya pinjam. Oh ya, di negara di mana koleksi buku di perpustakaan tergolong lengkap, meminjam buku secara gratis adalah sebuah pilihan bagus, hehe. 

Buku Drew Binsky adalah petualangan dan pengalaman yang didokumentasikan dengan satu tujuan: mengingatkan kita untuk berkelana dan berteman. Dia sudah mengunjungi semua negara di dunia dan pengalaman yang mengesankan ini hampir tidak terwujud karena COVID-19. Drew gerak cepat dan lekas menyelesaikan beberapa negara yang tersisa ketika dunia mulai membuka diri lagi di penghujung pandemik. 

Saya mengharapkan buku yang bercerita tentang setiap negara yang telah Drew Binsky kunjungi, tapi ternyata tidak demikian isinya. Beberapa negara dijabarkan hanya sebagai narasi dari apa yang hendak dia sampaikan. Kisah tentang Suriah memiliki kemiripan dengan cerita teman saya Eday. Mereka bahkan bertemu dengan orang-orang yang sama, Fadi dan Ghaidaa! Ceritanya tentang Afghanistan, yang terjadi sebelum era Taliban, bagaikan cuplikan buku the Kite Runner. 

Selain itu, buku ini banyak mengupas tentang petunjuk dan cara bertualang. Banyak aspek yang dirangkum di sini, mulai dari segi keamanan, teman lokal di negara tujuan, aplikasi visa, pentingnya memahami situasi negara yang hendak dikunjungi, cara menghasilkan uang sebagai YouTuber dan lain-lain. Bila mau disimpulkan dua kata, maka moto Drew Binsky terasa tepat sasaran: just go!

Satu hal lagi, karena dua-duanya adalah petualang, saya jadi tanpa sadar membandingkan buku Nas Daily dan yang satu ini. Tulisan Nas terasa seperti membaca rangkuman video yang dibuatnya dalam bentuk tulisan. Buku karangan Drew terasa lebih menyerupai bacaan ringan yang isinya dibumbui dengan kisah petualangannya. Seperti halnya dengan novel klasik Mengelilingi Dunia Dalam 80 Hari, buku yang satu ini membuat saya terinspirasi untuk berjalan-jalan juga!